>From:    Ronnie DiComo and Possum Prints <[log in to unmask]>
>Subject: Questions...
 
>My question is for those who manage to survive without becoming bitter at
>the entire human race--what keeps you going?  Where do you draw your
>wellspring of hope, perseverance?  What beliefs keep you going?
 
You know how, in the average grade school/high school, there'll be one or
two kids that will be heavily picked on, kids that every thug and bully
takes pleasure in using as a punching bag?
 
That was me.
 
I didn't understand the bully mentality, I didn't understand how anybody
could want to harm another just for the hell of it.  By around the fourth
grade or so, my self confidence was pretty much shot, so any ability I had
for self-defense was limited at best.  By the sixth grade I had a bleeding
ulcer...by high school life was completely unbearable and I'd become
mentally unstable, no longer able to tell friend from foe.  To this day I
wake up screaming sometimes...I've got many of the same symptoms Vietnam
Vets reported, of flashbacks and such - and no, I never got into drugs.
 
I left HS in '83...I was smart enough to "test out" and go on to a Community
College in my Junior year.  What's kept me going, kept me from seeking
violent bloody revenge against damn near 50 lunatics is the knowledge that
life was even *worse* for them, and almost certainly still is.  Those
maniacs had something truly horrible done to their souls at some point, and
they're still living with that...many are in jail, according to stats I've
seen.
 
And if you think the maniac who did that to the poor little skinny isn't
an equal threat to us two-legged animals, you don't understand evil.
 
So I let it go, I remain kind to my fellowman as best I can.  The truly evil
harm themselves even more than they harm others; no revenge "after the fact"
is needed.  That's not the same as self-defence *during* the fact...
 
I never leave the house unarmed.  *Never*.  I've seen evil, it exists, it is
the duty of every decent person out there to resist it at all costs.  If
anyone ever tries to take control over me again that way, I will die rather
than allow it.
[Posted in FML issue 1569]