Dear Ferret Folks-
 
It's winter here in New England, and let me tell you--scenic or not, it
wears on your soul.  It does.  Screw all those scenic stone walls with
the snow on 'em, the tang of wood smoke in the air, the quaint Commons
with their delightful old churches, etc.  It's COLD!!!  And we get tired
of it.  So maple syrup and lobsters are cheap here.  Whopee!  This time
of year any *sane* Yankee is in Florida, rolling in a big pile of
oranges.
 
I do have my escape hatch, though.  There is a vast and ancient network
of indoor tropical greenhouses in Connecticut, not too far from where I
live.  Logee's Greenhouse.  Think blooming citrus trees, happy fat banana
trees, splashes of bright bougainvillea, tree ferns that brush the
ceiling, moist, green, dripping living things that smell wonderful and
invigorate our thin, freeze-dried spirits.  We make several trips every
winter so that you never read this headline on the bottom of the screen
on CNN: "Ferret-enthusiast in apparent mass murder in MASS.  Famous
ferret author still at large, armed, dangerous, suspected on her way to
Florida."
 
Well, I went to Logee's with my sister, her two year old son (who was so
good, ate no flowers, picked no fruit) and my sister in law, Jennifer.
We wandered as if in a green dream for a long time, and finally selected
our plants to bring home.  I was so excited with my find--a Pachystachys
Coccinea.  Think two foot long green stick with a few huge leaves, and on
top, a flaming red torch of a flower, a beacon of hope in our dreary
winter.  So red, so...alive.  A complicated blossom the size of my fist.
 
I brought it home and made a place for it in the jungle I keep in my
living room--many shelves like stairs that lead to a sunny window, with
plant lights overhead.  Home to Christmas Cactus, Purple Oxalis, Apostle
Plants, Hanging Burrow's Tails, Kalanchoe, Bamboo, ropes of Devil's Ivy,
all manner of good things.  I settled my marvelous red torch, watered it,
gave it just the right tilt into the sun....and about ran to the computer
to Google its name, so that I could learn all about it.
 
I got lots of hits.  One was particularly fine, why, it even had a
Pictogram Guide at the top.  A line of little picture icons that you
could point to and click...icons that clearly represented water, sun, how
tall it's going to get, a little butterfly icon that let me know that the
blossoms would attract them outside in the summer...just point to the
little line of icons, and you could learn everything you needed about the
Pachystachys Coccinea!
 
Well, lemme tell ya. There ain't NO *AMN LITTLE WEASEL ICON, IS THERE?
Go ahead. Look for yourselves.
http://toptropicals.com/cgi-bin/garden_catalog/cat.cgi
?uid=PACHYSTACHYS_COCCINEA
There is no tiny cartoon ferret with his sneaky little paws and snout
sunk deeply into the plant pot holding your brand new Pachystachys
Coccinea, is there?
 
I had NO WARNING.  NONE.  I went to do the dishes, my back was turned,
Ping and Puma were running loose, I went into the living room and found
my Pachystachys Coccinea tilting a good thirty degrees from plum in its
new pot, and a MOUND of potting soil beneath the plant on the FLOOR.  I
don't remember the next few minutes too well, but Ping and Puma appear to
be fine this morning.  No, there is not half an inch of Glu-Tack poured
directly on the floor of the Ferret Room to keep filthy little plant
burrowing weasels WHERE THEY BELONG.
 
Mind you, they have *TWO*, yes, *TWO* dirt burrowing boxes in the Ferret
Room for their own use 24 hours a day.  Not that they bother to wake up
for more than about an hour a day...no...just long enough to dig up
my.....I can't even say it again.  How could they?
 
How could they?
 
*Monsters*.
 
Alexandra in MA
[Posted in FML issue 5135]