Dear Ferret Folks-
 
Oh, my.  The list of ways in which ferrets have trained me is so long, so
debasing...
 
Here it is as a Top Ten list going from just mildly embarassing to the
truly humiliating:
 
1) I've long since forgotten that folded, stacked laundry that has served
as weasel bedding even one time is no longer considered 'clean' by the
civilized world.  What's a little gray fur?
 
2) I no longer shame myself back into size eleven pants by hanging them
prominently, unused, in the closet.  I buy a pair of twelves, and pat
myself on the back for tossing that old worn out pair of pants into the
ferret's room for a cool denim tunnel toy.
 
3) My ferrets have a room.  Think about that for a minute.
 
4) If you figure in the cost of vetrenary surgery, I once owned a four
hundred dollar a pound weasel.
 
5) The greasy, malodorous, high-protein food that I buy for my weasels
costs more per pound than anything I'll enjoy for dinner this week.  Maybe
this month.
 
6) If my husband leaves a pair of socks on the living room floor, I throw
them at his head.  If a ferret poops in the corner of that, or any other
room I simply clean it up with no comment as if it were the most
reasonable thing in the world.
 
7) Once I had to replace my bathroom scale because Sabrina the Bat-Biter,
being a full-figured gal, reasonably hates them and pisses on them every
chance she gets.  This corrodes the inner mechanism, rendering it useless.
She first stands on the scale, THEN pisses on it.
 
8) O.K., twice, but who'se counting.  I'm sure you have your little
quirks, too.
 
9) Once I was home alone for the weekend, back before my husband taught
me his tricks for using our new cable box.  The ferrets stole the remote.
The only thing I could get on T.V. was the E! 'Style channel' for two
days.  Anorexic models staggering down the catwalk wearing stuff that
looked like Mr. Spock's bath mat.  For two days.
 
10) Once I was afraid that my bottle of '8 In 1' ferretone oil had gone
bad, so I put some on my finger and tasted it.  Then I remembered that I
didn't know what it tasted like when it was good.
 
All true, all true!
Alexandra in Massachusetts
 
Switch the Kit: (ROFL)"Stop, stop, I'm getting a stich in my side from
laughing!"
 
Sabrina the Bat-Biter: (ROF drumming Heels)"Style channel..Style channel!"
[Posted in FML issue 3677]