Q:"Do you belong to any ferret clubs and why not if you don't?  Why don't
   you start one?"
 
A: Ah needs ah nuw startah.
 
No, I don't belong to clubs for several reasons, mostly because I'm sort
of an informal member of so many.  I honestly have nothing against clubs,
BUT I simply do not have the time to spend on them.  Those that know me
understand I run at things full speed, and fighting an extended illness,
graduate school, earning a living and belonging to functional family members
leaves zero time.  After I graduate, I'll do something with clubs, but
until then, I'm afraid it will just have to be guest appearances, honorary
memberships and use of my posts in newsletters.
 
Q:"How's Elizabeth doing? Will she post again?"
 
A: First in her class.  I will drive down to San Angelo, Texas, at the
first of March to see her graduate from fire school.  Then she goes to
jumping-out-of-planes school.  She says to tell eveyone on the FML "Hello!"
She also promises to send a post soon.  I've scanned a photo of her in her
army uniform, as absolutely gorgeous as she is, which I will be happy to
show anyone who asks to see.  Well, not any guys....
 
Q:"I'm concerned that even though I love my ferrets, I just don't know
   enough to keep them at their best in health.  Any suggestions [to keep
   them in top shape?]"
 
A: Carbo load and suck down the creatinine.
 
Bob's List of Ten Things to Keep Your Ferret In Top Shape:
 
1. Neutering is good.  Use it as a mantra.  Ummmm...
 
2. Socialize with your ferret at least twice a day.  More if they are
caged.  More if they are ill.  More if they are dying.  Socialize means
talking and touching and playing and scratching and treats, not just
looking.  Understand?
 
3. Only feed the top quality foods.  The pennies you save will be spent
later as dollars if you don't.  Break out of the "kibble is best"
brainwashing if you can, but if you can't, get high quality ferret or
kitten foods only.
 
4. Find a good vet and use them.  Don't abuse them, don't double-guess
them, don't underpay them.  Don't roll over for them either; ask lots of
questions and expect detailed answers.  Take detailed notes, especially of
treatments and drug doses and schedules.  Carry a medical or veterinary
dictionary with you if you don't have the vocabulary.  If you have been
told of an alternative treatment, present it in a polite and reasonable
manner, or better yet, bring in a photocopy of the article.  The point is,
work together to build a medical strategy for your ferret, then follow it.
 
5. Repeat after me.  I *WILL* make sure my ferret is innoculated against
rabies and distemper.  Say it again!  Again!  I can't HEEEAAAR you!
 
6. Don't smoke around your ferret.  I have no problem if you personally
decide that the proven health risks are worth your drug effects, but
ferrets have no choice in the matter.  You wouldn't like it if they made
you breathe anal sac emissions all day long, and those aren't even life
threatening.  Keep a mental image of the "Methane Emissons in the
Spacesuit" scene in "Rocketman," and smoke somewhere else.
 
7. A cage is a boring, confining space.  Let your ferret run around until
it wants to sleep, then play with it to make it run around some more.  Give
it a new toy from time to time.  Throw in new stuff for it to investigate.
Enrich your ferret's environment or you may bore them to death.  Literally.
 
8. Understand that your ferret wants to interact with you.  They do.  They
love to play, they love to investigate, they love to explore.  That's their
nature.  Let them be ferrets.  Interact with them.
 
9. Remember the last time your job was stinky-butt bad and your best friend
was pissed and your computer wasn't working right just when you needed it
and you didn't have enough money to fix your car and your significant other
yelled at you and you were sick and the toliet overflowed and you locked
your house keys in the trunk of your car along with the trunk key and
everybody was too loud and your roof was leaking all over your irreplacable
photos?  All you wanted was a quiet, safe place to relax and take it easy.
Well, ferrets do too, so give them a safehouse to hide in.  A box with a
hole, a dark bag, even a slightly open drawer.  Someplace where they can
relax and chill and feel safe.  There is nothing better than a warm, dark
hole.....irresistable.
 
10.  Don't worry about the occasional carpet stain.  Ignore the wall marks
and the sofa holes.  Look past the shredded carpet, the chewed stuff, the
yellow puddles.  Focus on the war dancing, the delighted sniffing, the
chase and the bounds and the rolls and the dumb pratfalls.  Delight in the
moment, because it is only here a short while and then you will have a hole
in your heart where a silly weasel used to be.
 
Bob C and 19 MO' Bounding Boogers of Bhordom (Missing Sandi)
[Posted in FML issue 2595]