HA!  got more than one of you!!  Everyone thought a two-'o' Bob was a boob,
but in reality, its a bobo!  But I guess depending on the exact definition,
they could be about the same.
 
Been offline for a few days so I could go to the Buffalo for some meager
white-water (once you're used to the Sierra rivers, everything else seems,
well, like frothy puddles).  But, since it would be the last of my fun for a
while, I went anyway.  It was really fun to know that I am a mediocre
kiacker, but in the eyes of everyone there, I was an expert (Right....and
ferrets fly...) "You mean you actually ran the American?" <sigh> What has
this to do with ferrets?  Nothing, I just thought it would irritate the hell
out of some people, he he he.
 
Official ferret story: As a few people have seen (and expounded on in the
FML), I love colorful gigantic and open shorts.  My garment of choice; I
even wear them in Missouri winters just so I can say, "Well, back home in
Ca-Ca land, it's 70 degrees.." Well, I was, as Paw-Paw would say, "awaering
ah pear" while I watched the X-files.  As usual, I dozed off (which is the
real reason I watch it).  Unknown to me, that wonderful daughter of mine,
Elizabeth--you know Elizabeth; she wrote to the FML a few times, and is a
state champion in track--decided to make a movie of my nasal outbursts
during my slumber.  No, I *don't* snore...it's, uh, sinuses....no,
allergies....well, I just don't snore.  Trust me.
 
Anyway, she's making this film when Stella, who is no longer my favorite,
decided to go splunking in my shorts.  Apparently, and there is no evidence
because the tape did a "Nixon Rewind", some buffon, while still asleep, let
out a rebel-type yell (think Stan Freeburg here) jumped straight up in the
air, and started to dance on the futon.  In the meantime, Stella, once my
darling, looked down and only saw space, so decided to clamp down the only
way she knew how.  It brings new meaning to 'bite the bullet.'
 
The bobo danced.  He yelled.  Then he (well, I, but this can be embarassing
for us shy-types) forgot the most important rule of being bitten by a
ferret, which is, and say it with me, "Never ever pull away." I'm sorry, but
I was half asleep, ok?  I thought I was under attack by wolves or something.
So I pulled, but only for the briefest (oooo, pun!) of moments--right before
I decided the best thing was for me to fall to the ground and roll like a
fool.  I fished the offending ferret from the pant leg of the shorts, then
ran for the nearest room that offered any privacy.  Imagine my surprise when
I saw <gasp> blood!
 
I was too scared to look.  I was too panicked to feel pain.  I just knew I
would have start adding a '-bie' after my name.  To make a long story short
(oooo, more puns) the blood was from my nose.  Reviewing the tape, I noticed
that in the initial "wardance", one of my flailing limbs impacted on what
some people in my house call the "broken muffer." Stella's bite was actually
on the inside of the thigh--I admit I had this crazy impulse to claim it was
a rattlesnake bite, but that's another joke--and wasn't serious at all.
 
DON"T even ask to see the tape; I "lost" it.
 
Hey Oregon guys---I'll go to your ferret thangie. I can be the doorprize...
 
Whomever it was with the little guy peeing everywhere.  Sound's like your
little boy is now a man, and proud of it!  The pee and stink is to let the
ladies know where they are, and to warn other guys away.  Some of these guys
get into a rut (he he) and can't pass a bump in the carpet without dragging
themselves over it.  Chrys keeps dragging over the tips of my shoes.  If
your guy is neutered, I'd think about checking it out to make sure it was
really 'bilateral' or it not some disease process causing the adrenals to
spit out extra gobs of that testosterone poison.
 
Who said I was guilty of "lightning" up her day?  Wow!  I knew I was
responsible for making some people consider murder, and other to toss their
cookies, but no one ever accused me of 'flashing before.' But with the above
story.....<g>
 
About the FML and lawsuits.  I'm no lawyer (thank God I only have to deal
with dead things in my work) but it seems to me that The FML and BIG would
be protected by the same processes that protect newspapers.  This is a
subscription service, it is a newsletter, and we do have advertising
editions.  As far as I know, a newspaper is still a newspaper even if it is
given away for free and carries no advertizing.  This is only an opinion, of
course, and I could be wrong.  Hey Bill, maybe you should change "moderator"
to "editor." Do you look like Lou Grant?  I could be "Animal." Pam Greene
could be "Billie." No wait, I don't want to be Animal, I want to be the
drunken "Managing Editor"... Lets see, who could be the whining rude
reporter?....
 
Margaret in Houston, Karen in CA, and White Fangs mommy.  I misplaced your
addresses and numbers.  Ok, I accidentally deleted them from my desktop
during a general sweep of my harddrive.  (No bobo that time; only boob, as
in the Three Stooges) E-mail me fast; I should be in Calgary by Tuesday (You
know why, he he).  That is, after a quick stop in central New Mexico.
 
Bobo and the 14 Splunkers.
 
[Moderator's note: I will be contacting Elizabeth shortly for a copy of that
tape.  Yet another way to raise money for the shelters folks: Blackmail! BIG]
[Posted in FML issue 1614]