Dear Ferret Folks-

I read both Sandra's post on Wednesday, and then Kim's response to it
on Thursday.

And I would like to note that ripping someone's guts out in a public
forum may make the writer feel righteous and avenging, but it does not
*solve* the original problem. It does not bring the ferrets back. It
does not "teach" Sandra anything, but it does leave her humiliated and
feeling as though she made a terrible mistake in relating her bad
experience to the FML community. It leaves her, and others, less likely
to bring their ferret-related problems here so that people can learn
from them, and be in better positions not to repeat them in the future.

I learned some things from Sandra's post. It was a valuable reminder
that there are ignorant, ill-bred people out there who run rough-shod
over their more mannered and gently raised counterparts. If they are
not stood up to and stopped dead in their tracks, they can and will
inflict terrible damage upon our animal friends. Sometimes dealing with
barbarians like that almost makes me freeze in my tracks. It just seems
so unreal that people would choose to be so thoughtless and cruel.

Kim is correct when she pointed out that it fell to Sandra to protect
the ferrets from the visitor's frightful behavior. But when I read
Sandra's post, I can clearly see her standing like a deer frozen in
the headlights of an oncoming truck. Nothing had prepared her for this
family, and she was ill-equipped to deal with them. Rather than tear
her down,(and I expect that she posted already feeling lower than whale
poo) it would have been ever so much more useful to state that Sandra,
and all of us have the absolute right to stand up to the barbarians of
the world in defense of our animal companions even if doing so makes us
feel as through we, ourselves, are being rude and ill-mannered. We have
that right, because we are the only voices that our animal friends
have. It does not "make us" like the people we are in conflict with,
it does not "bring us down" to their level.

I would suggest the following if you are interviewing people for
possible forever homes or volunteer care. Don't go it alone. If you
can, have a friend with you during the interview so that you will be
much less likely to feel isolated or overwhelmed. Having someone "on
your team" will make it much easier for you to stand up to idiots if
you are faced with idiots. A ferret friend, someone from church or a
local animal charity, a family member or two will usually improve a
bully's behavior, if they realize that you are not a helpless victim
but part of a group. Yes, there *is* safety in numbers. It's easy to
run rough-shod over a single individual, much less appealing to take
on an entire group. Being part of a team will make it easier on you
should it come down to uncomfortable face-to-face enforcement of rules
or standards. You have the right to boot people out, but it's always
easier if you don't have to do it alone!

And as sad as Sandra's story is, I would hate to think that she or
anyone else would feel too intimidated to bring their experiences here
to the FML. Sometimes we learn more from failure than from success, our
own, or that of others. Her story might help someone else, help other
ferrets. Telling it was probably very hard. And ripping her apart for
doing so was no doubt very easy, but ultimately counter productive.

Alexandra in MA

[Posted in FML 6579]