Mommy let me watch the Academy Awards last night, and it reminded me of an
old manuscript left by my great-great-ever-so-great-grandfather, the amazing
ferret originally known as "Humble Robber".  It's a long manuscript, so I
can only send you the first part today, but will send further installments
daily, unless someone tells me to stop.  (Like Mommy often does.)  So here
follows "The Tale of Humble Robber":
 
"Of my younger days I will say little, save that I enjoyed a happy and
normal ferret family life until such time as I left my kithood and entered,
late in the Year of our Lord 1911, into the service of His Majesty King
George V of England (known, coincidentally, as 'The Sailor').  Chosen for my
intelligence, strength (King George himself dubbed me "his little titan"),
and dexterity, I soon became leader of an elite brotherhood of similarly
superior male ferrets especially chosen to carry out the task of wiring for
electricity one of His Majesty's country castles.  Following the altogether
satisfactory completion of my assignment, it came about that, on account of
my handsome appearance and social grace, Her Majesty Queen Mary formed a
personal attachment to me and took me into her chambers to live.  Those were
days of well-earned riches and frolic, and I thrived and grew in wisdom and
courtly aspect, and believed my whole future would continue as prosperous
and carefree.  Alas, such contentment was not to last, and for its loss I
have only myself to blame and no other.
 
My King and Queen were to celebrate the 20th year of their marriage in the
Year of our Lord 1913 and the King, being slow in the making of decisions,
had even now in the year prior to this anniversary, requested the most
innovative jewelers of England and the Continent to bring to him for his
selection their most inspired creations, among them a necklace with a large
heart-shaped sapphire pendant, the sapphire itself surrounded by the finest
diamonds in the world.  And one fateful night the King left this priceless
bauble lying on his Library desk, sparkling brightly, almost wickedly, in
its open velvet case.  What transpired as the result of his carelessness,
I tremble to tell; suffice it to say that, being erudite, I was given free
access to the Library, and that I fell prey that night to my own base
nature.  I took the necklace.  I hid it well.  The remembrance of my rash
act haunts me still.  I dwell on it no more, only tell of its results.
 
In the days that followed, the castle resounded with an uproar that
culminated in the arrival of a Great Detective, called out of retirement to
solve this most baffling of mysteries.  When I spied from the Queen's
boudoir window the elongated form of my enemy in his deerstalker cap, and
smelled the aromatic odor of his pipe, when he gazed up at me with cold and
knowing eyes and opened his mouth as if to utter those dread words "You're
nicked, my lad!", I knew it was time to take tail in hand and flee the isle
of my birth.  It is fortunate that I am an excellent swimmer, for crossing
the Channel was most arduous, and in my weakness and hunger, I recall little
of my travels and travails along the coast of France.  Eventually, I reached
the town of Cherbourg, and after making a meager meal of meat scraps
discarded behind a butcher's shop, pondered both my poverty and my prospects.
 
In my distracted state, I wandered down to the town's quay; it was quite
dark and foggy, yet I could smell the water and detect upon it a looming
form, seemingly as large as the castle I had been forced to quit.  But I
could think no longer, and before exhaustion claimed me I crept up between
some high-piled boxes on the quayside.  Thus shielded from the cold and the
damp night breeze, I sank into deep slumber........"(To be continued)
[Posted in FML issue 2257]