Hi Everyone,
This is a personal post and an apology. When I said I would not post I was
angry at someone and unfortunately, BIG got some of the fallout. BIG guy, I
am very sorry about the things I said. They weren't meant for you.
There are many factors in my involvement with any ferret community, be it
local or online. Some are conflicts I have dealt with, which at one point
seemed insurmountable to me. But many of my friends have helped to support
me and given me cheap therapy over the last week about my emotions, giving
away my personal power and what my personal worth is.
Many of these friends I met through the FML and have recently met many more
at the Chicago show. I can never express how wonderful it has been to have
such good friends, who even though live far away, give me so much support.
My biggest problem is finding friends here in Columbia. It is very hard to
do especially with school and with the vast problem of redefining myself. I
am slowly crawling towards a new life and there are a few bumps that are
hard to get over. So every once in a while I burp emotionally.
I will come right out and say it, as it will be in the grapevine soon
anyway. I went through a very bad period this last couple of weeks, got
very down and finally got suicidal. I wanted to go into a hospital but I
have no one here in Columbia willing to pet sit for me. So I lasted it out,
with the ferts and me coming down with a raging case of the flu. Life
slapped me in the face one last time.
But then I got calls and support from my two "sisters." They are both on
this list and they have permission to kick me in the butt when needed. So
they did. They convinced this loud mouthed Celtic broad with no self-esteem
that she does have something to offer the ferret world. Besides, one sent a
rather nasty letter about leaving my foster child Brock homeless. (joke
folks, it was ajoke, she understands me enough to know I can take humor
noir) So I figured it I can laugh still there must be something left
afterall.
The main thing that has kept me going is my ferrets. Who can take care of
them? What would it do to them if I was no longer here? It is tough when
they only have one Ma and no Da. But by the goddess, I love each and
everyone of them so much, that even in my darkest hour they bring light to
my heart, and song to my ears.
For the time being, ferrets and ferrety folks will be my life. Mags isn't
going for anymore "personal" relationships right now, she is going to be a
fag hag again. Lots of fun and no pressure.
And I am truly, hugely sorry for any fallout from my personal life to anyone
on this list. I was somewhat out of control emotionally, or drawn to a fine
edge emotionally and the pressure finally did it.
So, to those I have insulted and yelled at lately, please try to understand
that it was mostly misdirected anger. You got someone else's rath. I am
extremely sorry for that, I hadled it very badly. Sukie, I am sorry. It
that p*****g in the wind thang you know. Cuji, You know I am very sorry
about what said to you. You are a wonderful lady and a very good person. I
am also sorry about Grandma Zena and your Father in Law. You have my
prayers and a ring is drawn. Ronnie, I was somewhat curt to you the other
day and I do apologize. I was still angry about, well, you know. You have
been nothing but polite and nice to me.
And Ilena, it isn't yours or my business. I am sorry to have dragged you
into it. But for all my depression, it makes a bumpy ride, but not a
delusional one. Just keep that in mind until we can meet.
Bill, I wanted to make these apologizes public, so I post them here. I hope
you will allow them, because it does deal directly with my interactions to
those on this list and for some of the things, a public apology is what is
required, not a private one.
Blessings Be,
Maggie Mae aka Dragonfey
-----
Jerry to Kramer "You're Crazy!"
Karmer to Jerry "Am I? Or am I so sone that I blow your mind!"
from Sienfield
[Posted in FML issue 2112]
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