>From:    Michael Bostrom <[log in to unmask]
>Subject: The definitive answer to the food controversy
>a happy weezil is less likely to steal your socks out of spite......
 
Maybe so, buster, but that doesn't make us any less likely to steal your
socks for other important reasons.  Due to the lack of opposable thumbs, we
have a little trouble with knitting needles, but we have found a way to make
very nice weasel sweaters out of discarded wool socks (we consider anything
placed within reach of ferrets to be an offering from our loyal human
subjects).  A little tooth action in the general vicinity of the toe and
heel is all it takes, and then you can slide into the sweater, head poking
out of the former ankle hole and front and back legs emerging from each of
the new apertures.  Snug as a bug in a rug, eh?  We like to put ours on
before we go to bed.  [Human: This is true.  I've seen them do it.]
 
Anyway, it's not so special of you to act like some kind of royal taste
tester.  We do the same for all our housemates as a matter of course.  No
dog, cat, or human around here gets to so much as sniff their food before
we've given it the ol' paws up.  (Due to our superior nozzling abilities,
however, we rarely find it necessary to actually ingest any but the most
interesting specimens.  Usually it is sufficient to just push things around
on the plate, lick at a few morsels, and carry a small sample off into the
corner where it can be discretely spat out.  Wouldn't want to upset our
delicate digestive systems, y'know.)
 
-- Khaz and the Underfoot Brigade, Definitive Weasels
 
     --------------------------------------------------------------
 
Boring human adds:
 
I dunno about the rest of you, but my letter writing hand is getting cramps
from all the campaigns we seem to be on lately.  I don't have a ferret club
around here (don't worry -- that'll change in a bit), but if you do, how
about devoting a section of your monthly meeting to letter writing, the way
Amnesty International does?  Get someone to bring envelopes, paper,
addresses, and a list of talking points.  Piece o' cake.
 
We're rooting for Kodo, and sent him his weekly allowance today (second
installment), but don't y'all forget the California legislature either.
Don't even have to bite someone (or be accused of it) to get your weaselly
head lopped off there.
 
-- Kim
[Posted in FML issue 1947]