I'm a fairly new driver. Sure, like basically every other American, I
started driving when I was 16 but then I had an accident and didn't
drive for like, 7 years.

The only animal that my car has killed (besides bugs) was a bird one
time that flew into my windshield while my brother was driving. The
bird didn't suffer, so (this may sound bad) I felt badly but not
terrible.

Today, while I was driving on the highway, there was a squirrel running
across the road. I slammed on my breaks and DIDN'T hit it. The car in
front of me went over it, which I am sure dazed the poor guy. The image
I cannot get out of my head. He kind of got up and was turning in
circles. Of course, I stopped the car (on the highway) and hit the
4-ways. My Mom was in the passenger seat screaming about stopping in
the middle of the road. (I did look in the rearview, there were NO cars
in sight) Just as I was about to throw the door open and grab him (what
in the world I would have done with him, I don't know - I am sure I
would have ended up covered in fleas and probably bitten but I DO
always carry the phone number of a wildlife rehabber in my car and I
was nearby her) he ran to the other side of the highway where a UPS
truck proceeded to go over him. I am not sure he was actually hit, but
he was twitching after. At that point, it would have been terribly
dangerous for me to try and go out after him. After screaming at me
some more, my Mom made me continue driving. At that point, he was no
longer moving.

Did I do the right thing? I just keep thinking that I should have got
out and still gone after him to see if there would have been any chance
at all in saving him. I know it may be crazy but I just turned the
lights out to try and go to sleep and I can't. I just keep seeing him
and crying.

I don't think it helps that I recently got laid off from my job and I
am now worried about that, it may be making me over-emotional but I
can't help it.

I keep wanting to think of Kahlua (my little white girl who passed away
most recently in Feb.) greeting this little squirrel at the Bridge.

What would anyone else have done? I am kicking myself for not at least
TRYING. It is making me feel like a failure.

Thanks for giving me a place to vent. I don't know of anywhere else I
can go to do that at quarter after midnight on a Saturday night. :/

~Tammy - a.k.a. Kesrael

"All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by
the frost. From the ashes a fire shall be woken, A light from the
shadows shall spring; Renewed shall be the blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king."
"May it be you journey on To light the day; When the night is overcome
You may rise to find the sun"

[Posted in FML 5955]