Dear FML: I was dragged kicking and screaming into the world of AOL and FML
by friends - having successfully avoided computers for my entire life. And
for good reason. Although I can still only follow a few trails into these
places - I have suffered considerably. My face has taken on a slightly
greenish look. My eyes are blood-shot and sometimes stay crossed for hours.
I have a crick in my neck and finger fatigue. My friends wanted me on l ine
so I could give advice about ferrets - but when I came to FML, I found there
were many people who give good advice. So, I just wrote a few things here
and there. Recently, I was reminded about this advice thing. So this is a
serious post.
There have been a number of queries about ferrets who nip or bite too hard.
When a ferret nips or bites too hard - you must be firm. Inform the ferret
that what he/she is doing is unacceptable. Grip the ferret firmly by the
skin on the back of the neck, get eye contact and say "NO, NO" Do not get
him to close to your nose, just in case he does not understand this firm
reprimand. Repeat this every time you get nipped. When you run out of
digits, both on hands and feet due to nipping or biting, start running very
fast when your ferret approaches you. The faster you run, the less chance
you have of being caught. This is very good for you because I understand
running is just great for the cardio-vascular system. Mind now, your ferret
will think this a game, so if he gets too close, leap on a table or something
and start praying. I believe in the power of prayer.
Well, that takes care of biting problems -- lets see now. Ah, yes. Getting
ferrets to eat new foods that are good for them. In my vast experience, and
after many experiments, I have found a good trick. Place a bit of the new
food in a spot where you do not usually feed your ferrets. Like on the end
of your bed, or on a table, or on your dinner plate. When the ferret
approaches to investigate the food, Hollar - "NO, NO, NO" DO NOT TOUCH
THAT!" And grap the food away. Repeat this several times. Their interest
will increase to the point of spending all their time trying to get at the
forbidden food. Finally, pretend you are not looking and let them steal it.
They will love this food forever. There, dispatched another problem.
What next. Ah, fuzzy won't use litter box where you have placed it? No
problem. Watch for where they like to poop. You will usually notice this
pretty quickly. Place a litter box in that spot. Soon you will have
approximately 140 litter boxes around your house, but your carpets will be
clean. Ferret still does not always use litter box?. Hey, loosen up!.
Nothing in life is perfect. In my house, some of the ferrets back up toward
the litter box and tell me "What do you want lady? I did it in the general
vicinity." Keep lots of squirt bottles and paper towels to pick up these
misses. Bending over is good for you. It is called calisthentics. At this
rate, you will soon be in great shape!
Now, comes the puzzle question and answer. This concerns recent posts about
black heads on tails. I believe everyone was speaking of ferret tails and
not their own because this is an entirely different thing. Now, last night I
picked up all my ferrets - one at a time of course - and examined their
tails. This was no easy task. For some reason, almost to a weasle, all
objected to my upending them to examine their tails. I finally resorted to
hammer-locking them between my knees, upside down, to see about this tail
thing. None of mine have black heads on their tails. So I do not know what
to tell you, except that I now have a house full of ferrets who are pretty
p.o.'d at me. Plus a lot of scratches on my thighs. I will leave this one
alone and let those of you who have experience it give advice.
Some one recently asked me how many ferrets own me. I am not sure. Whenever
I need to know, I call a friend named Sandy who always can tell me. They
just move around too fast for an accurate count. Recently, it has been very
crowded in my bed at night, so I may be maxing out. A new baby joined us
this past weekend from LOS PA - little Honey Suckle Rose - a darling little
mitt who yells all night for me to hold her. I am very tired. Another dear
baby joins us this weekend - another darling mitt and her name is Alicia and
will be called Ce Ce. These babies will be part of my breeding jills, but
the other night I dreamed I held them in my hands and they said. "We do not
wish to have children. We want to have Careers". Gad. What is one to do
with the modern jill?.
Well, there. I have addressed a few problems - enough for now. But serously
guys, if you do need emergency advice or nursing care advise, e-mail me or
call me day or night at 703-765-3ll2 or 703-765-4353, or on mobile
703-517-1000. meg
[Posted in FML issue 1282]
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