It is 1:19am and I have just started playing one of Eliot Fisk's
recordings of Scarlotti sonatas. I am relaxed as I enjoy the first
night of my first day off. All is right in my own little world. Sitting
in my comfortable chair, I start reading the FML on my laptop. I almost
always wait till midnight (Mountain time) for the FML to arrive, and
tonight is no different. I am smiling as I get myself a cup of coffee
and start scrolling through the posts, first reading about the flooded
Washington shelter.
My heart goes out to you, Lacey. It is hard to imagine the logistics
of rescuing 100 ferrets from a flood. I will personally ask St. Franky
to watch over your ferrets. He listens to me, sometimes. While
heartbreaking, reading these kinds of posts remind me how strong and
determined ferret people can be. I skim down a few lines and read on.
I feel a distressed look form on my face as I continue to read.
All of a sudden Eliot Fisk sounds out of place. After reading further,
I start to think that maybe some cheesy disco music is in order. No
longer relaxed, I start to get a queasy feeling in my gut. I know I'm
reading the FML, but today it's reading like some kind of ferret porn.
Has the FML been hacked by the European porn industry? "Ferret Kisses
and Erotic Exhalations?" Whaa..? OK, I can take the "Ferret Kisses"
part. Who on this list hasn't kissed their ferret on the nose? But
"Erotic Exhalations?" I have no clue what that's about. Not one. I will
have to read further if I am to find out, fearful as that may be...
My eyes start to twitch and my synapses spontaneously misfire as they
struggle to put the words together. In all of my posts I cannot
remember putting both the words "erotic" and "ferret" together in any
of them. I am not a prude and would not want to admit how much of a
prude I'm not, but it just never occurred to me to eroticize ferrets.
I have clever synapses. They know to neutralize any combination of
"ferret" and "erotic" that may accidentally occur in my brain and
replace those neurochemicals with serotonin or dopamine or something.
If my brain is going to spontaneously allow deviant thoughts, I am
comforted that at least those thoughts will always be about my own
species. I am struggling here, wishing Todd and Herbert would hurry
up and get that bulldozer started.
I finally remember to sip my coffee. It is cold now. While my brain was
trying to chemically balance disrupted synapses, it forgot to remind me
to drink my coffee. Luckily, I have more hot coffee *and*
neurochemicals. I will need them.
I finally get through the ferret porn portion of the FML and can't help
but notice all the references to 8th, 9th, and 10th graders. What the
heck is that all about? I have to read back to figure it out, but it
only leaves me with more questions. When I'm posting, am I supposed
to dumb it up or dumb it down? Is there some sort of FML guidline to
follow that I don't know about? BIG, please let me know if I missed
something. Writing for you people is not an easy task.
Oh, and about Sukie's posts: They are very technical sometimes and hard
to read (most complicated, important stuff usually is), but I am so
glad she posts all the health information she does. Nobody works harder
than Sukie to find out all she can to help keep our fuzzies healthy,
and I wouldn't think she really needed any advice on how to do that. No
complaints here. I got all the way through high school, I've heard Bush
talk about the internets, and I've even been to a library once. Sukie,
you go girl.
I get myself another cup of coffee and liberally pour Hershey's
Chocolate Caramel creamer into it, adding three blue packets of
neurotoxins to the brew. The neurotoxins are supposed to replace the
sugar part, but I need the chocolate and caramel parts too. Besides,
chocolate is supposed to stimulate serotonin and calm stressed
synapses. I taste my coffee and pour a bit more creamer into my cup.
After today's FML, I could certainly use a bit more. Not to mention
that it's yummy, too.
It's now 4am and my poor synapses are worn to nubs. I'm going to go to
bed shortly, just as soon as my neurotransmitters are back in balance.
When I go to bed I will say nothing to the missus tonight about the
ferret porn portion of the FML. No need for both of us to have bad
dreams. Tomorrow's another day. Maybe Todd and Herbert will have
gotten that bulldozer started...
Roary
35.246302 ~ -106.717857
http://dookologist.blogspot.com/
[Posted in FML 6211]
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