Dear Ferret Folks-

Yesterday, an FML'er wrote:

>For the past couple of years I have been ATTACKED by one particular
>rescue operator because I use herbs mostley than prescription drugs.
>I've shared my herbal information and experiances using herbs with
>others privately and publically on many yahoo bourds only to be
>slammed, flammed and threatened by this person. She has even gone so
>far as to threaten to have my rescue closed down as she says I abuse
>and neglect the ferrets in my care. All of which is UNTRUE.
>
>Now this person doesn't know me except for reading my posts on the net,
>as a matter of fact, we live at opposite ends of the country and we
>have never met each other.

Well, I think the author has asked a reasonable question. What do you
do when you have a persistent, hurtful, conflict with one other FML'er.
She's off to a good start, here. First, she used her own *name*, which
is Debi Sadowski, so she doesn't look like a sulky little kid having
an "Anonymous" tantrum. Second, she has clearly explained her problem,
and what she is being criticized for. It's not just a bunch of insults
hurled against the person she is having a problem with. Third, she has
explained just *how* it is she comes up with the herbal advice she
gives, in effect giving us her herbal "resume." Like this:

>If I read of a person asking for help because the prescription drugs
>aren't helping, I will suggest a particular herb but will ask them to
>discuss the herbal treatment first with their vet before trying it to
>make sure it will not cause an adverse effect with the medications
>their ferret may already be on. I have at least 5 Herbal books, both
>copies of "Ferrets, Rabits and Rodents", both copies of "Ferrets for
>Dummies", th ferret medical book written by Dr James Fox and the books
>"PDR of Herbal Medicine and for prescription drugs". I usually only
>suggest the herbs I have used and have had good luck with but am
>willing to look up other ones and give the uses and caustions
>associated with them.

And last and again, importantly, she has stated a clear goal. She
doesn't want this person hurled from the FML, she just reasonably wants
the conflict to *stop*. She explains:

>Now I ask am asking everyone on this list, short of not posting at all
>and crawling under a rock, What do I do to get this rescue operator 
>to back OFF and STOP slandering and flaming me?? I want to continue
>helping ferret parrents, but this prson is making it very difficult
>do do so with her nasty slanderous and flaming remarks. I have never
>claimed to be "a know it all" but in the same respect I'm NOT stupid or
>uneducated. (Although my spelling may not be that great. LOL Which I
>have also been slammed for.)
>
>And NO, I don't want cheese with my wine as I don't feel I'm whining,
>just seeking help with this sittuation. Just looking for sme advise
>to STO this person from trying to ruin my reputation as a PERSON and
>Rescue owner.

This seems to me a to be a reasonable, adult attempt to deal with a
bad situation. Many of us here have at one time or another have had
a personal conflict with another FML'er. I've had the same problem
myself. Sometimes I have handled it well, and sometimes I have not.
We're all only human, after all, and it is hard not to lash out when
we feel hurt and angry.

I truly hope that some of you will address this issue over the coming
days. What can we do to stop or "de-escalate" a personality conflict
with another FML'er? This said, I must point out that I don't really
know what has gone on between these two, but it is obvious that there
is bad blood. The other party will no doubt have a different story to
tell. That's how these things work. It is highly unlikely that these
two will ever be buddies, or that either will change their opinions
about the value of herbal medicine. *That's* not the point. I'm
really interested in people's collective experience, here. How can we
responsibly work to stop a bad situation from getting worse, or just
dragging on and on in a really hurtful way. Is it possible to negotiate
a "cease-fire?" I am not in *the least* interested in debating whether
herbal medicine is good or bad, or how Debi Sadowski runs her rescue,
or spells. This is not about who is right. It's about how to deal with
a personality conflict like this, before things get this bad.

Alexandra in MA

[Moderator's note: I appreciate your intent and your message is good,
but I do have to point out the original poster was writing about being
harassed on several Yahoo discussion groups. Neither the FML nor posts
from anonymous entities were mentioned in her post. A good example of
taking things out of context, which can lead to misunderstandings? BIG]

[Posted in FML 5845]