Our ferret math is all minuses these days.
 
Someone was talking about not having animals unless you can budget a
certain dollar per animal for medical expenses.  Well, sometimes you
start out OK, but things change.  Not to say I haven't done everything
for my little ones that I can, but a new baby changes everything.
 
After Tasha died last year, during my pregnancy, I dealt with a fairly
severe case of prenatal depression.  My heart felt cold and numb.  I
haven't ever been the same.  I told myself then that we would not add
any too our business.  In February we were still paying off the vet bills
from Tasha's fight in August, with the added doctor bills of my delivery.
We lost Nietzsche to adrenal in February.  I felt guilty then.
 
I still feel guilty.  I have tried very hard to keep everyone in my mind.
As Katherine has gotten older, it has become more easy to include the
ferrets in our playtimes.  We have a small house, and the ferrets have
their own space.  Its too easy to check their food and water each day and
do little else.  But I've been trying.  Making a point.  Katherine in her
walker with little ferret noses tickling her feet and peeking over the
tray at her.  10 month old hands wishing we would let them touch the soft
fur.  Its so hard.  My heart breaks.
 
Today when I came home, my Robin was gone.  I don't know why.  Was his
heart broken too?  Another minus in my book of ferret math.  But I don't
think my heart can get any more broken than it is.  And I don't know if I
deserve the love of the three dears who've toughed it out this far, with
all the neccessities except my attention.  It's bitter.
 
I can only keep trying.  Should I find them another home?  "Dump" them on
someone else?  More bitter still.  All minuses.
 
Melissa Rotert
Mira, Samurai and O'Dell
Missing Cael, Booboo, Tasha, Nietsche and Robin.
Together at the bridge, and happier for it.
[Posted in FML issue 4286]