Part two - The not so good news..
 
In order for you to understand what I am up against here I will just tell
this as it happened...its the best I can do.
 
A couple of hours ago, after the little one had stuffed his face and I had
done his dressings change, I had just placed him back mostly on his back but
slightly to one side so he could watch my Glider fly and see the other
ferrets playing all over the room, when he started to struggle.  I thought
his blanket might have a wrinkle that was uncomfortable or something so I
eased him onto my forarm in order to smooth things and check for lumps and
wrinkles.  At that point he really started to get agitated and I thought I
better sedate him a little in case he was in pain from muscle cramps which
is fairly common in limb removal.  As I was guiding him back into a laying
down position his thrashing suddenly made an awful sort of sense...he was
trying to get down to go play with the other fuzzies.
 
I placed him firmly back onto my lap pad of blankets and when he calmed down
some I realized he didn't know about his paws... and he had to know before
he smashed a leg end into the chair arm or me or something and hurt himself
badly...
 
I just couldn't do it... I hadn't anticipated this and wasn't prepared for
how I would feel...having to 'tell' him his paws were not there any more.
It took me nearly an hour of ear scratchies and tummy rubbing to talk myself
out of just sedating him and making him go to sleep for a few hours so I
could get out of doing it.
 
But he had fought so hard to live and I just couldn't 'lie' to him like
that...so about half blind with tears I waited till he started trying to
turn over to get down again and reached over and gently but firmly pressed
against the bandaged end of his right front leg.
 
He froze and jerked his head around to stare at where my hand was touching
the bandges.... then I pressed on the left front leg and the two back legs
in turn.  He followed my hand with his eyes and began to shake one leg after
another as if to wiggle the paws.
 
At this point he looked up at me with eyes that were huge and very scared
and said 'Mrrr?' then turned to each leg and repeated 'Mrrr?' in the
direction of each missing paw.  All I could do was hug him to me and cry and
say 'I'm sorry little one, I'm so sorry!' After a couple of minutes he
stopped moving and looked over at the other fur kids , then looked back at
me with such profound sadness in his eyes it tore at my heart.  He turned
his head away from the room and buried his face in my shirt and for minute I
thought he was asleep, but he was just heaving one huge sigh after another
with an occsional choking little hitch.
 
About an hour ago I gave him his sedative and he is now sleeping quietly.
But I don't know , How much can one little fellow take?
 
And that's where things are at the moment.  I am wrung out and exhausted and
very sad for him so I am going to try to get some rest.  I'll post his
condition again in a couple of days.  Thank you all for all your support and
prayers, you have been wonderful.........dayna
 
 dayna frazier   102046,3162
[Posted in FML issue 1566]