Hi all you Americans and other good folks on the ferret side of life.
 
I thought You would like a word about biting ferrets from Denmark.  Since we
have had no rabies in Denmark for years, we can experiment a lot more with
our dangerous and blood-thirsty animals (I laughed a lot about CarpetShark).
 
I have a lovely little fellow named Igor Krasbvrstnikow (Igor for short).
 
Let's try to understand the little critters.  They ARE dangerous and
bloodthirsty!  Try asking any mouse or rabbit.  The CarpetShark name is not
that far off,- the ferret is actually very close to our own mammal ancestors
(If you buy Darwins approach).  The CarpetShark has,- like the shark,-
survived nearly unchanged since the end of the dinosaurs.  His psyche was
probably what made him survive the dinosaurs.  And it IS special !
 
If you have cats, a thing that strikes you when you get a ferret is this: He
is NOT AFRAID OF ANYTHING.  You can't scare a ferret with loud sounds,
things that fall down, throwing things (blankets, etc.) at him, vacuum
cleaners (you can even vacuum his tail), splashing water (Igor DRINKS from a
3/4 " tap, full open).  If you run around in a room, trying to escape him -
he will try to catch you (I weigh 180 pounds!).  Try doing ANY of these
things to a cat- and it will be 100 miles away.
 
So: Forget about scaring a ferret when he is biting.  You are not NEARLY
scary enough to do that, according to the ferret.  (Well, after a good
nights drinking and with eyes like cow-assholes and bad breath, maybe *o) ).
 
What about punishment?  Ferrets are VERY rough with each other.  Try
breeding ferrets.  Females think it is VERY sexy to be dragged around the
room till they bleed from the neck.  They even have natural antibiotics in
their blood during mating season.  I tend to buy the idea, that ferrets even
like to be bitten to some extent.  For a small animal they can take a lot of
roughing.  Just think of the elegant way, they jump down from tables (on the
forehead, roll around, legs down, run again).  Igor just LOVES to be
scratched on the back, just as you would an elephant or a rhino - HARD - (he
gets a stupid look on the face and licks in the air).  They are very rough
with themselves,- and if they love and accept you as a fellow ferret - they
will be rough with you.  So you can't really physically punish a ferret.
They accept it as part of the game.  You would have to hurt them for real,
and that is TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE to any HUMAN who loves ferrets.  Other
ferrets would have no trouble.
 
SO don't EVEN THINK about hurting your ferrets, so hard they will notice it.
I will personally spend $1000 on a plane ticket and bite YOU without even
licking first!
 
They bite, but EVEN IF THEY DRAW A LITTLE BLOOD, they have moderated
themselves.  Believe me: they can easily send you to the doctor for not less
than 6 stitches !!  Try teasing a wild ferret, if you are in doubt.
 
As a sign of love, Igor just bit my nose this morning.  Two small holes.  He
was SO glad to see me.
 
What did I do?  - I *IMMEDIATELY* grabbed one of his fangs with thumb and
forefinger and held it for a second.  It puzzles him and he hates it.
Otherwise: hold your finger in their mouth, so they can only bite with the
small, flat teeth in the back of their mouth.  They can't bite very hard, it
puzzles them, and they hate it.  Normally they will move a few steps away
when you release them and look at you for a couple of seconds before eating
your socks.
 
I have noticed, that ferrets often gets food stuck in their mouths, dry fish
etc.  They sneeze and squeak.  Perhaps it reminds them of that discomfort?
 
If they persist - leave them.  That is the ultimate punishment.  Because
they love you.
 
Ferrets are wonderful, loving creatures.  They sometimes show it in a funny
way, according to our standards.  There is no doubt in my mind, that Igor
loves and respects me.  He just can't get it into his brain, that such a
large creature have such fragile skin.....
 
Igor's way of seeing things is often correct. You just learn from him!
Next time you are cornered or you want a salary raise:
 
                           * Think Ferret *
 
It's worth a bite or two. Grow hard skin. Carpe Diem
 
Kent Johansen
[Posted in FML issue 1647]