Hi Schnitzel J. Ferret,
 
This is Cinnamon.  I am having problems with my man-fewwet, Buddy.  I need
your advice.  We have been together for 3 years.  Buddy says we are mawwied,
but we didn't have no ceremony or nuttin'.  He figgers since we been
together for so long, it's like one a' dose common law things.  Well, the
problem is, Buddy likes to pounce on me and drag me around by my neck all o'
the time.  He even jumps on me and wakes me up in the middle of the nite
when all I wanna do is sleep.  Could this be considered fewwet abuse?  He
also plays around with my sister Tequila.  He is a sprite-izer and a
jill-izer.
 
Should I leave him?  Should we see a fewwet mawwage counselor?  My sister's
man, Sammy, is real nice to her.  I wish I had a man-fewwet like Sam.  What
should I do?
 
Yours trooly,  Cinnamon of the Fuzzy Four.
 
P.S.  We can't wait for Big Weddin'!  Have Rosie and Maxie and Tater and Odie
figgered out who's mawwying who yet?
[Posted in FML issue 1615]