This method of litter pan training is directed at forging a relationship
between the ferret's paw pads and its litter.
 
The idea here is to train the domestic ( another word for house critter )
ferret to feel comfortable only when his paw pads tell him he's on the
right stuff.  When he senses the right sensation thru his legs then the
old spincter will relax and the ureter will do its hosing too.
 
You know, you could compare this to backpacking in the Cascade mountains,
say on a five day trip.  Now for some of you who haven't been one with
nature, this may seem a little strange to you and you may not want to read
any further.  After all, it's Edward Lipinski AGAIN!
 
When nature calls and you peel off several sheets of that precious Charmin
and go to find youself a "cat-hole," some distance away from your campsite
or the trail and squat down, you feel just a little uncomfortable.  At
least I do.  I'd much rather be sitting on that nice white toilet seat
rather than squating down there trying to keep the ferns and tall grasses
from tickling my, well - you know whats.
 
Well, The Lipinski Way applies to ferrets too, and in this way: I want to
train my ferret to feel uncomfortable too, just as I when I'm squating
rather than sitting, when he does his "thing" and his paw pads tell him
that something ain't quite right.
 
His paw pads will tell him something ain't quite right when he's NOT in the
litter pan and NOT standing on the right stuff.  Now this right stuff
should be as distinctly different as possible from the regular floor,
carpeted or otherwise, throughout the house.  The right stuff, or litter,
is most any kind of litter that is as different physically as possible from
everywhere else in the house.  I use the large granuled "Tidy Cat" clay
litter, so that it must feel like walking on gravel for the ferret, thus
distinctly different from the wood floor or carpet.  I suppose other large
granular litter would suffice as well.
 
The Lipinski Way of rewards and punishments is used routinely during the
first week of training and sometimes may even include the use of missiles
such as old tennis balls.  Normally the water squirt gun suffices if you
don't overuse it.
 
To be avoided is this terrible new clumping litter like Scoop Away.  Pet
owners prefer this clumping litter because any liquid or sticky feces is
caked in this stuff and can be easily "filtered" out of the pan by the
owner.  However, one should consider the fact that this clumping litter
also clumps in other places where there is any moisture, such as the
nostrils, sinuses, throat, trachea, bronchi, and lungs.  It does not come
out.  It sticks like concrete.  In addition it sticks to the eyes, in the
ears and on the genitals.  And since ferrets are prone to bulldozing with
their heads and digging in their litter pan, this scoop away junk invades
the moist body openings and clumps therein a little at a time and collects
day after day.  Over time, this stuff can cause health problems.
 
Most knowledgable ferret vets do not recommend its use.
 
Another negative of this terrible scoop away litter is that its like fine
sand, almost a dust, such that there is very little differentiation between
the litter and a dusty floor elsewhere in the house.  Hence, it is more
difficult to train the ferret to the litter pan that has the scoop away
litter in it than it is to train the ferret to the littler pan that has
the "Tidy Cat" large granulated litter in it.
 
And lastly, the "Tidy Cat" stuff is less expensive than the clumping litter.
 
I guess what it comes down to is if you're lazy you use the clumping litter
since it's easier for you.  If you're more concerned about your ferret's
long term health, you will not use it.
 
Thus Spake Lipinski, who prefers the toilet seat rather than the
"cat-hole."  (Now, aren't you glad you didn't read this?)
[Posted in FML issue 2730]