I've been reading the recent reports of returning ferrets with great
interest.  A similar story took place in our neighborhood over the past
week, but we didn't learn about it until yesterday (Sunday).  It seems that
neighbors in the duplexes on both sides of ours had been reporting ferret
sightings to each other and the Humane Society.  At least four families
had witnessed a ferret playing in the yards behind the duplexes.  A woman
from the apartment building across the street was awakened at the beginning
of the week by her barking dog at 3:00 AM and, upon looking out her
window, saw not one but TWO ferrets dancing and chasing each other in
the moonlight.  When she woke her husband to report this phenomenon, he
informed her that she was dreaming...one ferret may have been set free by
its owner, but never two.  When she phoned the Humane Society the next
day, the resident expert on such matters suggested that what she saw was
probably an optical illusion occasioned by a cat chasing its tail.  The
family to the right of us spotted a ferret on their 2nd-story deck
frolicking with their cats.  A family two duplexes to the left saw a ferret
teasing their dog.  Someone else said a couple of ferrets had been sniffing
around their garage.  The meter reader found a ferret asleep under a meter
at 6:00 AM.  A man from the Humane Society came out with his live trap
twice but the alleged ferret(s) conveniently disappeared.  The whole affair
was taking on the aspect of an Urban Legend, and apparently we and our
landlady who lives on the other side of our duplex were the only people
left off the grapevine.
 
If anyone had told US about what was going on, I'm sure Greg and I'd have
been right out there with squeaky toys trying to rescue the poor little
vagrants.  After all, not all ferrets are blessed with responsible owners
such as we... we who pamper our four darlings, give them run of the
finished basement, check them carefully at mealtimes and playtimes each
and every day, ferret-proof assiduously, and always, but always, know
where they are and that they're safe and secure.
 
CAN YOU TELL WHERE THIS IS HEADED?
 
Sunday afternoon we found a note on the window of our front door next to
the "Rescue Ferrets In Case of Fire" sticker.  It purported to be from the
Humane Society and they purported to have impounded a ferret which they
purported to be ours.  How silly.  We went to the basement to share the
joke with our darlings, and there they were...all two of them.  Milly and
Lilly da Mitt, our little adoptees, were conspicuously absent.  There was a
large hole in the base of the dryer hose, the same dryer hose that had gone
unscathed for the past five years.  Greg picked up the hose and shook it
in bewilderment.  There was a small "click" from its far end, a slight
scrambling noise, and Lilly shot down and out the hole.
 
We headed for the phone and found a message from a neighbor lady.  The
Urban Legends had suddenly materialized while our landlady was raking
leaves and tried to crawl up her pants leg.  She called the neighbor lady's
husband for help and he rushed to her aid.  The Legends thought it was all
great fun and led him a merry chase.  The poor harassed Humane Society man
was once again summoned into action and dutifully showed up with his live
trap.  Milly pranced into it.  Lilly dematerialized.  The landlady recalled
that we had ferrets, but she'd never met them, nor ever wished to meet
them, so could not attest to this particular ferret's being ours.  The
Humane Society man left the note with his home phone number on the door
and triumphantly carted the captive Legend off to the crowbar hotel.
 
We called the HS man's phone number and asked him to describe the ferret.
It sounded remarkably like Milly.  He said he'd owned ferrets in his time
and knew right away she was someone's pet.  She was very friendly, healthy
and well-fed (of course she was well-fed -- she'd been coming home for
meals every day).  Milly and Lilly had obviously stayed in during the big
rain storm on Thursday and the big windstorm on Saturday because we never
saw them looking wet, dirty or windblown, but they'd gone out again on
Sunday because the weather was just so darn nice.
 
Greg bailed Milly out at noon today (with a $10 boarding fee and a $50
embarrassment-donation).  She's fine and they're all in their condo.  (I
think.) I, however, will never be the same again.  The accepted order of
things, as I knew it, has been set on its ear.  While we were snug in our
bed and smug at our jobs, those two little boogers were interacting with
strange animals, crossing streets, and generally thumbing their noses at
us, if such a thing were physically possible.  I can just hear them
cackling at our gullibility.  From what I know of their characters, I
suspect Lilly was the instigator and Milly her doofus sidekick.  But I
can't prove anything.  Heck, maybe my two sedate older gals were out
there too, who knows, the world is not what it seems.  People say that
if a ferret takes off it generally doesn't come back...but can we ever be
completely certain?
 
MAYBE ALL OUR FERRETS ARE GETTING OUT AND COMING BACK EVERY DAY AND EVERY
NIGHT!
 
Nothing would surprise me right now.
 
Signe
[Posted in FML issue 3383]