Q: Have you been following the thread on animal communication on the FML?
   Do you think people can communicate with ferrets?"
 
A: No, I don't think PEOPLE can communicate with ferrets.  However, I
think ferrets do a pretty good job communicating with people.  For
example, just the other day, I found this note taped over the litter box.
The handwriting was lefty, so it was placed there either by Tui, Popeye,
or Wiz (I know it wasn't Lady Noir because there were none of those
little hearts to dot the "i"s).
 
A Poem from the Ferret
 
You only buy the best for me,
You keep the food and water dish full.
You grind up chicken for my meals
Which, I, for one, think is cool.
 
You tried to teach me to roll over,
You tried to teach me how to fetch.
You tried to teach me to use the box
(That last one was a real stretch!)
 
You let me climb up on your back,
Then let me lick your ears and face,
(Despite just moments before
I was licking my own private place).
 
You take me outside on a leash,
You'll carry me inside your coat.
And you only squirm a teeny bit
When I nibble on your ears or throat.
 
You hold me when I'm frightened,
You'll hold me when I'm aloof.
You'll even reach down to pick me up
When I'm stinky after a "ferret poof."
 
When I bounce, you call it a dance,
When I bite, you term it a nip.
I guess its better not to repeat
What you say when I make you trip.
 
You pluck my fur when I'm shedding,
You comfort me when I'm sick.
You never seem to mind too much
If I nip you on your, uh, arm.
 
I've crawled inside your shirtsleeves
And lived to relate the tale.
I've slithered inside your hiking shorts
And listened to your startled yell.
 
You call my mischief "ferret fun,"
You call my poop mistakes "rare."
You'll run to get me special treats
And all I have to do is stare.
 
Even though our time is short
And the years pass by too fast,
I wish I could stay with you forever.
(Or as long as the chicken lasts!)
 
I may not know why you have no fur,
Or what every happened to your tail.
But as far as giant, hairless ferrets go,
I think you're kind of swell.
 
Bob C
[Posted in FML issue 4093]