There has been some cute stories on climbing ferrets in recent issues.  May
have been one of the ones starting this because of my climbing and jumping
crew.  The Canadians seem to have the edge, but their American cousins sure
pick up new tricks fast.  Thus, I have a household of fuzzies literally
swinging from the chandeliers.
 
Now, as we each know, our own ferrets are always the smartest in the world.
And I, too, subscribe to this objective opinion.  However, I must recant a
bit, since three of my hoard just brought home poor report cards from the
school for exceptionally gifted and talented.  Honey Bun, a.k.a.  Bunny, the
Hun, got a D in physics.  Seems he does not believe in the law of gravity.
Sweet Hart failed physics and Nelly got a D in Attitude and Deportment.
 
My ferrets think they can defy the laws of nature and fly.  Not only are they
able to do everything recently described in FML on climbing ferrets, but we
have this leaping and launching of themselves thing.   Any object of
furniture or place they have climbed to, is considered a launch pad.   This
includes peoples shoulders (at a recent show, Sweet Hart was photographed
leaping from shoulders to anything in range).  And it is not just the
Canadians, everybody does this, except the old-timers.  Honey Bun has jumped
so much that he has permanently injured his left leg and joints from
spectacular crashes.
 
I used to think it was cute, and encouraged ferrets to jump into my arms.  I
would clap my hands, hold out my arms and catch the ferret. They, of course,
would get a treat.  Soon ferrets were whizzing by me wherever I walked.
 Since they often did not time their tragectory to my speed - ferrets would
shoot past me front and back. Whiz - THUD.  This did not deter them.
Although I have long since stopped this trick, I still have to warn visi tors
who are unwary or not familiar with ferrets "INCOMING FERRET".  Of course,
ferrets suddenly landing on visitors heads, shoulders, or bodies, can be
disconcerting.
 
My life has become a continuing furniture adjustment trial, as I must
constantly work to keep ferrets from attaining their goals.  They have
learned that if they leap toward something often enough, they will learn to
do it.  Thus, when I come home from work in the evening I usually arrive to
a trashed house.  If they cannot climb it, they fly to it.
 
This morning I heard crashes from the bathroom.  Nelly had reached and opened
the medicine cabinet.  To make room for herself, she had to empty a shelf, of
course.  Suddenly, I appeared with the dread cobalt blue squirt bottle (my
weapon).  Upon seeing that she was going to be squirted to deter her from
this activity in future, she hissed and suddenly shot over my head to the
towel rack.  From the towel rack, she immediately leaped to the tub.  I
caught her in mid-air with a well aimed squirt.  She jumped to the floor and
ran out of the bathroom, only pausing to nip my achilles heel to let me know
she was p.o.'d on being squirted.
 
On leaving the bathroom, I was slammed from the side, as Sweet Hart flew from
the top of the condo to my shoulder.  He immediately balanced himself with
front paws on top of my head and prepared for a ride - I was in no mood for
this and dumped him on the bed.  He flew right back, sliding down my
nightgown, but gripping at the hem.  I often walk around this way with
dangling ferrets.  Zoe peered at me from the top of the cable box (over 5
feet up).  She attempted a leap, but missed.  At my closet, Honey bun dropped
down on top of my head from the top of the door.  Black Hawk was half way up
a fabric shade, so I retrieved him from certain disaster.  He has a tendency
to fall straight down.  This was all in less than five minutes.  I live in a
looney bin.
 
My ferrets think they are Gods.  That is because I usually exclaim things
like - "Oh, my God, what are you doing!"  "Good God, get down from there!"
 "Jesus - what have you done!"   "Dear Lord, look at this mess!"  "What in
God's name do you think you are doing?"  And other such.  Please forgive me
for taking Your name so often in vain God, but my trials are many.
 
For Robert Fein - If you purchased the same food you have been feeding your
ferrets and they refuse to eat it - maybe it has spoiled. Yes, it is possible
to get a bad bag of dry food.  Discontinue and purchase new food, not in same
lot, and try again.  Otherwise, your ferrets might be ill -- write more about
the problem.
 
For the owner of 4 week kits - by the time you read this, your babies' eyes
may have opened.  Write again and let us know - kits eyes do not always open
right on the dot of time.  I hope there is no other problem, but since you
indicated you were seeing the vet, you probably have an answer by now.
 
Regards to all, meg
[Posted in FML issue 1249]