You just might be a CaCa Fish and Gestapo Agent....
 
...if your IQ equals the number of teeth in your mouth.
 
...if your degree came mail order and cost $25 from a place called Ronco.
 
...if you hated ecology because it had nothing to do with hunting.
 
...if your trigger finger itches when you see women with ferrets.
 
...if your idea of fun involves live wires and small furry animals.
 
...if you think any animal defending itself is rabid.
 
...if you have ever recieved an "atta-boy" for six months of undercover work
   to capture a citizen owning a neutered ferret.
 
...if your idea of a natural environment includes cattle, pigs and chickens,
   which must be protected at all costs to save the environment and native
   species.
 
...if you think Hitler was right but just went a bit far.
 
...if you believe in scientific data duplicity.
 
...if you swerve to hit raccoons because only criminals wear masks.
 
...if you yearn for automatic weapons and open season on "those damn
   eggheads who think they know biology..."
 
...if you make your children address you as "O God of the Forest" and your
   spouse as "Manimal/Womanimal."
 
...if your degree includes the word "special."
 
...if you admire the stuffed eagle in your office.
 
...if you daydream of being Tarzan, but would get rid of that monkey.
 
...if you think chimps are monkeys.
 
...if chimps think of you as a monkey.
 
...if you wish you had a baculla.
 
...if you wish you knew what a baculla was.
 
...if you have ever been the poster child for "Stupidity."
 
...if you have ever protected native species by handing out tickets for
   illegally hunting wild boar or pheasant, illegally catching brown or lake
   trout, and for illegally owning a ferret (within the same year).
 
...if you think ferrets are wild animals even though every scientific
   organization, zoo, and mustelid biologist describes them as domesticated,
   but you are justified because you are, after all, the "God of the
   Forest."
 
...if you practice wildlife biology in the suburbs of Fresno.
 
...if, when ferrets go to your home, they back out, asking "What is that
   smell?"
 
...if you consider ferrets to be illegal aliens and wish you had a
   nightstick.
 
...if you hate ferrets because Hawkeye called Frank "ferret-face."
 
...if you have ever found a feral ferret in California, but lost it after
   a biologist asked, "What's that longtail weasel doing the lobby?"
 
Mo' Bob C and the Mo' 18 (In memory of Gus)
 
[Moderator's note: I actually rejected another joke someone sent in because
it had nothing to do with ferrets -- other than substituting whatever group
the joke was meant for with CA F&G.  So if you folks are going to poke fun
at the CA F&G people, please change the jokes enough to stick ferret in
there someplace. :-)  (Was a good joke though... pity... someone I told it
to modified it for the occasion quite well!)  BIG]
[Posted in FML issue 1831]