DISCLAIMER: This post may contain humor, satire, sarcasim and/or hyberbole
and may not be suitable for all viewers. No ferrets, chickens or
red-headed stepchildren were harmed in the writing of this post. Any
similarities in this post to persons or events real or fictional is purely
intentional. Always wear safety glasses. For external use only. Do not
operate heavy machinery while reading this post. In case of fire, break
glass.
Howdy,
Ever since I got my first ferret, I have been quite confused by the myriad
of
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climbed up on the keyboard while I was away. Anyway, as I was about to
say, the many different color standards for ferrets has left me confused.
What color are my ferrets? Some of the bigger ferret organizations have
their own color standards and nomenaclature. And then each individual
ferret owner has their own personal color standards which just adds to the
mess. Many of these colors read like a list of ice cream toppings at Dairy
Queen. Then there's the slight air of pretentiousness when people talk
about their ferret's colors. Their noses lift ever so slightly as they
say, "Well, *my* ferret is a cinnamon, butterscotch, double-fudge, caramel
with nuts and sprinkles." So, to keep my own sanity and protect other's
delicate egos, I have come up with this easy to understand set of color
standards. I call it "Colors for the Common Ferret".
1. Colors: There are only 3 ferret colors: Brown, White and Grey. In the
case where the shade of a Brown or Grey ferret's color is at the extreme
of lightness or darkness, it is acceptable to include the words "Light" or
"Dark" with the color of your ferret. This is not applicable to White
ferrets. White is White. If you have a "Dark" White ferret, then it's
time for a bath. Note: Silver is not a ferret color, I have yet to see a
chrome ferret.
In the case of a ferret with 2 or more colors, you round up to the nearest
whole color. For example, if your ferret is 1/3 White and 2/3 Brown, you
have a Brown ferret. The only exception to this is if you have a ferret
that is exactly half and half, then you can use both colors. Example: your
ferret is exactly 1/2 White and 1/2 Grey, then you can say your ferret is
Half Grey And Half White. This is very hard to support, however, because
you have to count each individual ferret hair to prove the ferret is
exactly half and half. If the ferret has one more Grey hair than White
hairs, then you have a Grey ferret.
2. Patterns: There are only two patterns in ferrets: Even or Splotched.
An Even patterned ferret has a fairly uniform distribution of color. A
Splotched ferret has splotches of a different color here and there. A
stripe, such as on the so-called "Blazes", is nothing more than a long,
skinny splotch. A spot is a round, well-shaped splotch. "Mitts" are just
splotches that cover the entire foot. Note: Masks are not splotches. I
ignore masks. I wasn't sure how to deal with masks, so I took my cue from
the CaCa Fish & Game and threw out the facts that didn't fit my arguement.
Possible ferret colors:
Even Brown
Splotched Light Grey
Splotched Half Brown And Half White
Even White
Well, there you have it. A simpe, concise, easy to use method for coloring
your ferret. I should point out that anyone attempting to dye their ferret
to get around these rules will be sought out and punished accordingly. No
Green ferrets allowed.
ADDITIONAL DISCLAIMER: For those of you I've offended (I know you're out
there). This is intended as good-natured ribbing. I myself raise my nose
quite high when talking about my ferret's colors. Especially Insanity.
He's almost pure white with black eyes and a black nose. And he looks
really cool. Much cooler than any of your ferrets <G>.
May your ferrets be always colored,
Limejello & The Weezils of Doom
http://home1.gte.net/wrenched
"I've upped my standards, now up yours"
[Posted in FML issue 2781]
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