Hi everyone.
 
My heart is breaking.  I've just got home from taking Amadeus to the vet
clinic where I assisted him on his way to the rainbow bridge.  Originally
I planned on taking him last night, but couldn't find a ride.  It was a
blessing.  With the swelling controlled by the medication he wasn't
suffering, just was very weak and slept alot.  With the reprieve I set
about making it a day of treasured memories.  We watched television and
slept together last night.  I woke early and stroked him gently, over and
over again and smothered his sweet face w/ kisses until the alarm went
off.  He seemed to like to be held and stroked, and I was trying to save
up memories for when he wasn't around anymore.
 
He crawled out of the cuddle sack that I was carrying him around in and
drank and drank from Tegan's bowl.  Once I got dressed and ready for work
I picked him and the sack up and took him to work w/ me.  Lots of people
stopped by to cuddle him and offer their sympathy.  Everyone was
supportive of my decision, which was very helpful.  One co-worker gave
Ami Cheerios, which he happily munched on until he got worn out.  He acted
interested in my M&Ms, but even when one was broken open he didn't really
want it.  He ate about a tablespoon of baby food and lapped up an
unbelievable amount of diet coke.  On the day you are going to the bridge
it's okay to focus on the junk food, right?
 
I got pooped and peed on three times today.  I knew why he was squirming,
but I couldn't get to a place that was okay at work fast enough.  Better
on me than the office rug, right?  He'd never gone to the bathroom on me
before, it was like he was telling me that he knew that no matter what he
did I would love him and not be angry.  How could I be angry at such a
wonderful friend?
 
After work I took him to the park w/ me when I took Tegan, my lovely young
Pembroke Welsh Corgi, to play w/ her friends.  I got only one negative
comment.  The guy asked me if Ami was a rat.  When I said, "No, a ferret."
he said. "Same difference."  Everyone else was wonderfully supportive and
understood completely how difficult it was going to be for me in an hour.
They all came by and petted Ami or asked to hold him.  I didn't refuse
anyone, and was actually glad that they cared enough to show him how
wonderful they thought he was.
 
Amadeus was too sick to enjoy digging in the dirt and playing in the sand
pit, but I still put him down just in case.  Whenever he looked up at me
and reached out his paw I picked him up and snuggled him.
 
Too soon I was heading for the vet's.  Whenever someone is sending a pet
to the bridge it isn't necessary to have an appointment at my vet's.  As
soon as I explained what I was there for I was ushered into a waiting room
where a tech gave Amadeus a sedative.  Once it took hold she shaved his
leg and his neck to help her find the vein.  She went out to get the
final syringe and came back and said that Dr. Tom wanted to do it.  In a
few minutes he was in and said "Oh, it's time then."  We talked about how
quickly the cardiomyopathy took Ami and how puzzled I was that he never
coughed.  Dr. Tom told me that in most cases he's seen the ferret doesn't
develop the cough, so the case follows the same incredibly fast decline
that Amadeus's took.  I'm kind of glad it it wasn't any longer because
watching him fail over a longer period would have torn out my heart.  Dr.
Tom took Ami's pulse and it was beating over 300 beats a minute to get
the blood where it needed to go.
 
Amadeus was my first rescue.  I walked into that apartment and saw him
standing attentively in his cage and I was in love.  He was deaf and
needed special handling to stop his biting when I first got him.  But the
two of us worked it out.  We became incredibly close, and he would often
crawl on my lap as I sat at the computer.
 
At shows people would do a double take when they saw Amadeus asleep in one
of my arms and Shiloh fast asleep in the other.  I got the biggest kick
out of putting Ami in people's arms and watch their eyes soften in awe and
have them say "Geeze, I wish I had a ferret I could cuddle..." When Joy
Lenay brought Star and Odie over the Christmas Tess (my corgi cross) was
operated on for insulinoma her husband cuddled Amadeus for awhile and went
to meet the other ferrets.  When he was done he picked Amadeus again and
asked how old he was and was stunned to hear that Ami was only three at
the time.
 
Amadeus never won a trophy and it made me sad to know that no one else
could see just how handsome and wonderful my boy was.  Still, I knew.  And
he and I were who counted.  He was, and is, my dearest boy.  I'll never
forget the torn earn that changed his name to "Sweet Amadeus van Gogh",
and the times we spent wrestling, walking in the woods, and wowing people
w/ his sweet nature.  I was blessed w/ his presence for 3 1/2 of his 4 3/4
years.  Sure I wanted more, but I am still in awe at how much I received
from our time together.
 
You are special Ami.  I knew, and everyone said that you knew it, too.
For once I can believe that.  It didn't hurt that the last time you came
home from being ferret sat and nipped me several times to punish me
because I'd left you.  I certainly deserved it, and I wish you could have
been a lot longer so we could have revelled in each other's love more.
I'll miss you my dear seet Amadeus, wait for me at the bridge w/ Tess,
Eponine, and Sonny, okay?  I'll be there as soon as I can to scoop you
up and smother you w/ kisses and let you show me how much you missed me
(OUCH!)
 
With all the love in my heart....
Your loving mama
[Posted in FML issue 3720]