I sent the following today to someone who has been repeatedly urging me
to destroy Ashling before her time, in response to a private message I
got.  No, I won't say who it is and obviously I won't quote that person
to give anyone any hints.
 
I am sending this for a different reason:  so that anyone who has not
realized how downright cruel such notes feel and -- more importantly --
have not thought about how there are factors which people who are at a
distance do not know WILL BEGIN TO THINK ABOUT THESE POINTS and realize
that there are times to be gentle at the most active and completely
quiet at the least active.  Doing anything else is needlessly hurtful
to others.
 
Here is a revised version of my reply to that person (who is perfectly
capable of reading the revised version here):
 
Whoa!  STOP reading things into what I say, please!
 
NOTICE that I said that Ashling does NOT even need pain meds at this
point.  She fusses a tiny bit on one position and that is ALL.  So, she
and we avoid having her in that position.  There is also the chance
that when the Lasix she needs arrives (backordered) that even that
position will not bother her.
 
We KNOW Ashling.  She is a fusser.  In her case she is not a big one for
hiding pain; she actually one of the least stoic ferrets we've had.  That
is one of the many reasons why only the family and vets who know the
individuals are the right ones to make the choices.  In a ferret who
hides pain a higher level of fussing than Ashling is now doing on and off
could indicate very strong pain which EITHER can be overcome (and then
the pain meds can help) OR is being hidden (in which case a mercy shot
may be the best choice).  It is not only important to know the problem
and the approaches, but to know the individual, and to be able to shift
gears rapidly when needed.  YOU had no idea that Ashling is one who makes
a big fuss over little things, YOU are not an expert on her illness, YOU
don't see her all the time to help you judge her, in fact, you have never
even met her as far as I know.
 
NOTICE ALSO that we have experience with using pain meds in ferrets and
have had EXCELLENT results when they are needed, with the ferrets.  They
do NOT get dopey when it is done right (and our vet knows how to judge
this marvelously well).  In fact, done right they have pain control and
begin to be more aware and more active, likely because they are not
muddled by pain.  Ashling is not at that point, but if she seems at some
point like a candidate we'll give her that option first to see if it
works for her.
 
People who are long distance can NOT judge when it is time for a mercy
shot and should not impose in such a very painful and private choice.
This is one topic where people can constructively say, "Here are the
criteria I use".  But attempting to assume knowing details which are not
known and then trying to tell others when it is time for individuals who
aren't even known to the person who is at a distance is uncalled for and
it feels cruel to those who receive such messages -- and at a very
painful time.  I doubt that you have thought of that aspect because I
don't think you would have caused that level of pain if you had done so,
so, please, realize the result for the future now.
 
We KNOW Ashling and we so does our vet.  When she isn't enjoying life she
will have a mercy shot.  Given her type of medical condition the chances
of her dying on her own are very low.  Right now she is still enjoying
life and there is no way I am about to deprive her of pleasure.
 
I found what you said to be hurtful and, yes, I am angry.  There simply
are some topics -- the very most sensitive and the very most painful --
where trying to impose oneself on others without even knowing the animal,
the options, or the particulars is a very wrong thing to do to anyone.
I'm sorry to have to be blunt.  WE know that it is not yet Ashling's
time.  OUR VET who knows her knows that it is not Ashling's time.
Ashling who is right now busy playing with crinkly tissue paper in a
paper sack since it's still too large for her to try to move into a
tube is too busy playing right now to tell you that it is not time.
[Posted in FML issue 4347]