HI ALL,
 
I do not wish to go into a long explanation about all this but I am very
happy to tell you about a new developement in my life.  To those that have
been here for some time I doubt you could forget the excruciating agony and
pain I endured when my furbaby RACY passed over the RB.  This guilt and pain
has remained with me 24/7 since Nov.  1st.  I knew it was a great weight to
be carrying but actually had no clue as to just HOW great a weight it really
was.  For the new folks, you see, I never knew for sure if "I" killed my
RACY or if she was already leaving me for the RB when the accident occured.
 
Anyway thanks to a wonderful new friend of mine and an old friend from back
then, June 6th 1996 became the first day since Nov. 1st 1995 that I have
lived a guilt free day!!  I now KNOW in my heart and soul that my beloved
RACY was already leaving me due to medical problems and that by things
happening the way they did Racy and I were given the glorious opportunity to
say goodbye to each other before she left:-) Racy and I are now both at
peace as she had continued to worry greatly about me from the RB.  Letting
go of the guilt and loving her always are the two last gifts I can give to
her before I too join her at the RB.  And what a really glorious reunion
THAT will be, someday, but not too soon since I have many others that need
me here right now doing what I am doing.
 
If you are a true believer in the RB you might find this very amusing and
touching.  I had to go thru all my bells when RACY came to me to find what I
thought was the most beautiful of the bunch.  Tho RACY could neither see nor
hear I felt this was very important.  Possibly it was because she was deaf
and blind that it was so important to me.  RACY always had an unusal way of
walking I thought, tho not really noticeable to the eye much, that caused
her bell to sound more like music to me than the mere tinkling of a bell.
The bell was the same as all the others but somehow SHE made it sound
different:-) And so I always told her that and that she was my musical
ferret.  I always knew when RACY was approaching from somewhere strictly by
the sound of the bell.  RACY is at peace too and has decided her path at the
RB only because I have let her go with joy in my heart now.  After I did
that she went thru many hundreds or more bells at the RB to find just the
right one for her.  Later she went back for another saying it was for
harmony.  The rest of the RB furkids were quite befuddled by it all.  She
then gathered all the kits at the RB and began to teach them music
appreciation or whatever you would call it<GGG>.  She is teaching them to
move just right in order to produce the sounds of music and not just a
tinkling noise.  The RB is now filled with the sounds of harmonious music
from thousands upon thousands of the newly taught way of tinkling bells:-)
 
OK a lot of you will think I am insane or something saying this (especially
to everyone) but I assure you I am as sane as the rest of you<GGG>!  I just
plain KNEW the TRUTH when I heard it and I am openminded enough to believe
it.  I have lived thru many an unexplainable occurence in my lifetime and I
know there are many things we will never understand.  I also believe some of
us mere humans have been given and have developed very unusal skills.  Two
very special people with very special gifts brought me to my final peace.
It is priceless and yet cost me not a penny.
 
I was so amazed to find myself telling Lightstar what his sister RACY was up
to and NOT crying.  Later I told my Mom about all that happened to bring me
to my peace and even faced with her sobbing right before me I STILL did NOT
cry.  Instead I smiled, remembering my RACY in a happy and
painless/guiltless way.  This will affect the rest of my life I know.  I
will still do all I do in RACY's name and in the name of all fuzzy's that
have passed over the RB.  But now I am able to truly do it out of love and
joy and not out of guilt.  I'm sure I am setting myself up for flames and
deragatory remarks about my intelligence etc.... but frankly scarlett.......
I just wanted to share with you all one of THE most special occurences in my
life so far!
 
THANK YOU more than words can say to the two special people that helped me
to find my peace and set me and RACY free.  You know who you are:-) And
thank you to all of you for listening to a very happy and now at peace
shelter Mommy.  My only worries now are for Larry and Stryker who soon face
surgeries.  THAT I can deal with the other I just could not:-( TNT!!
 
Special love and thoughts go out to all that have faced or are facing the
loss of a beloved little one.  I KNOW the pain you are going thru all too
well.  Please remember, it may take a long, long, time but peace over
their leaving can be found and then your memories will be pure joy.
 
*******************************************************
*      Kelleen Andrews  &  Her FANG GANG!!!!          *
*  President and Founder of F.A.N.G. Shelter/Club     *
*      (Ferret Association of Neverending Glee)       *
*      405 S. Orchard   Boise, Idaho  83705           *
*      208-342-7292                                   *
*      [log in to unmask]                               *
*******************************************************
*   I'll take a good animal over a good mate anyday!  *
*   All they want is lots of love and great chow.     *
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[Posted in FML issue 1593]