Dear Ferret Folks-
 
Yesterday Kim Fox went too far.
 
I have tried to maintain a tactful silence when she addresses the issue
of her psychic powers.  It pains me, it truly pains me to practice such
Herculean restraint.  No more.  I just.  Can't.  Stand to watch this
tragedy play itself out anymore..
 
Was it not only a few days ago, dear readers, when the FML's own
self-styled 'animal communicator' was beaten up by her yard-long iguana?
It was doing the hokey-pokey dance on top of its' cage, a movement she
described as denoting a clear desire for reptilian 'dominance'.  Could
that not have reasonably been interpreted as a direct form of
communication from the animal kingdom?  Did she not feel a disturbance
in The Force?  What, did she need Western Union to deliver a singing
iguangram to her FRONT DOOR in order to get the message?
 
Well, he finally quit trying to swap thoughts with her and settled for
smacking her in the face with his not inconsiderable tail!  He whapped
the phone right out of her hand.  As they say in the commercial, "Can
you hear me now?  How about now?  Gooood!"
 
Now, Ms. Fox maintains that after the most strenuous psychic exertion,
her new ferret has communicated its' desire to her to be addressed
henceforth as "little Fairy Buttercup."
 
Kim, I'm worried about you, hon.  Enough is enough.
 
But help is on the way.  Turns out, Kim and a few others like her are
eligible for a new experimental medical program designed to assist the
thinking-impaired with everyday activities.  You've all heard of
Seeing-Eye dogs, right?  (Even Kim can communicate with a dog.  "Feed
me.  Rub my belly.  I need to poop, now, thanks.") Accordingly, we're
doing the paperwork at the Doctor's office where I work to get her issued
with her own Thinking-Brain dog!
 
Yes, the Thinking-Brain dog program can potentially be of invaluable
assistance to those unfortunates among us who suffer with profound
judgment issues.  People like Kim Fox, psychic extrordinare,who is
probably still picking the scales out of her teeth, after the iguana
communicated with her face.
 
Kim's highly-trained dog will accompany her everywhere; to work, to
her court-ordered Reality Therapy sessions.  He will help her to make
decisions, and to interpret the confusing world around her until she
develops the skills and the confidence to make it on her own.
 
(Widdle Fairy Buttercup my *ss!)
Alexandra in Massachusetts
[Posted in FML issue 4192]