Dear Folks,
 
This is a short note on the preparation of LUMPS (soup) for younse (that's
Pennsylvania mountain talk for: you all.)  Some adventurous folk have asked
about this mixture that I prepare mostly every day (about 3 gallons)for our
well nourished mustelids here at Ferrets NorthWest FNW.
 
1.  Meat.  The soup requires about 2 cups of this meat mix.  The meat mix is
obtained FREE from the local supermarket meat department.  But you gotta be
a little tactful in obtaining the meat, since the meat cutter may not be too
cooperative if he doesn't know you.  There are reasons for his being
uncooperative that I won't go into here, but suffice it to say, this GIFT is
given through his good graces, once you establish a sincere, friendly, and
discrete relationship with the meat cutter.
 
1.a The origin of this FREE GIFTED meat is the butcher's bandsaw and the
collector tray located under the counter of the meat bandsaw.  This
collected meat debris is automatically wiped from the high speed bandsaw
blade by wipers associated with the speeding blade.  Whatever the meat
department is cutting on a particular day determines the fresh meat mix you
get, and sometimes it may amount to several pounds.  This meat mix often
includes, in addition to finely serrated beef, bone dust, bone marrow, fat,
fish, and blood.  As one of the ingredients in LUMPS, it is cooked along
with all the other goodies that make up the LUMPS (soup).
 
2.  Pavlovian Goosed Ferrets.  As each mustelid (ferrets, mink, and weasels)
are apportioned their daily ration of warm soup (a filled 6-ounce tuna fish
can), there is a momentary pause to allow the mustelee to approach the soup
can and begin licking up the soup.  They usually lick off the inside wall of
the can to start out, but shortly they totally immerse their entire lower
jaw in soup, close their eyes to a squint such that a little tear forms in
the corner, and they just gulp to repletion.  It's at this moment that they
are individually Pavlovian goosed, so to speak.  What happen's is this: the
host blows a goose horn adjacent to the gulping mustelid.  This goose horn
sounding occurs with each mustelid's feeding, and over time, they become
conditioned to the sound of the goose horn.  Now, Ill leave off here, cause
I said this was to be a short note.  However, I'd be very pleased if any one
of you folks out there can tell me the reason why you think we do this here
at FNW.  Good luck!
[Posted in FML issue 1877]