Our scene opens with Ping is He standing in front of the bluish computer
monitor in Sterling, Massachusetts.  It is late, and moonlight streams
into the darkened room through the window opposite the monitor.  Puma
can be seen, lying on the computer table at the foot of the monitor.  She
is on her side, and has been bound (all four paws together in front of
her) and gagged with a bright green hoomin sock torn into fabric strips.
Her fangs are visible over her gag, and she looks very, *very* angry.
 
Ping stands on his back feet, his front paws clasped behind his back,
and paces before the monitor.  He stops, and gives Puma an experimental
nudge with his foot.  She growls, low and dirty in the back of her
throat, and he jumps back half a step.  Then, he straightens, and begins
to speak...facing you, the audience....
 
"Hey, Dudes, this is Ping.  Yeah, I'm He.  Anyway, I wanted to talk to
you and Puma said I couldn't (a whining tone enters his voice, here)
because it wasn't 'a dignified subject'.  Whatever....I don't think Puma
knows *anything* about peenies, actually.  And I do, so I'm gonna talk
and she can't stop me!" (Another low, menacing growl comes from Puma,
and Ping is He takes care to step a bit farther away from her.)
 
"Now, this Wolfy chick yesterday?  Does *not* have the proper respect
for peenies.  They're like...personal, dude.  Like your own smell, only
better.  They're even more personal than your *tail*, and a tail is
REALLY personal.  For some of us, they are all we've got left, if you
know what I mean?  Yeah, the Smiths went on vacation and never came
back, and all we've got left is this peenie to remember them by!"
 
"Wolfy's little Kit has only had fangs and open eyes for a double paws
full of days.  He, like, doesn't understand decorum, yet.  You don't
just go around flashing that thing to hoomins, especially not to the kind
of hoomin who is gonna jump on her keyboard and tell the world about it!
Nope, that sucker comes with its own deluxe, heated, mink-lined carrying
case for safe, comfortable storage.  Hoomins only see it on a need to
know basis, and believe me, they don't need to know!"
 
"So STOW IT, PHAROS, and don't be showing that hoomin anything you don't
want to read about on the net five minutes later."
 
Ping scratches his chin pensively.  "Now I gotta figure out how to untie
Puma without dying."
 
Alexandra in MA
[Posted in FML issue 5124]