For Eden Rain (man, what an appropriate name for a Seattlite !) and her sick
ferret Lemke, with his insulinoma, and to anybody else wanting to "bulk-up"
their ferret:
 
Good for you Eden Rain, making a soup mixture using TF (Totally Ferret?),
garlic, brewers powdered yeast, and did you say, onions?  Here at Ferrets
NorthWest  FNW  , these three ingredients we use in our L U M P S recipe,
primarily for flea repellancy and the highly beneficial B complex vitamins
in the brewers yeast.
 
To "bulk-up" Mr. Lemke, get as much protein into him as you can.  Also, give
him, in his soup, cooked oatmeal that got four fresh eggs in it (cooked with
the oatmeal) and some Ovaltine powder.  Get down to your local supermarket
and ask the meatcutter, at the end of the day, for the meat debris in the
collector tray under the meat bandsaw.  Cook this along with a little bit of
cabbage, carrots, some potatoes, just as though you were making a stew for
yourself, but with the contents just barely cooked, so as to retain as much
of the nutrients as possible.
 
Put this stew into a blender and blend it at the highest speed to the
SMALLEST PARTICLE SIZE POSSIBLE, diluting the mixture with skim milk to get
a semi-heavy soup consistency.  Lastly, add 1/2 cup of regular yoghurt and
blend in after the soup mixture cools a bit, because you don't want to kill
any of the intestinal flora bacteria in the natural yoghurt.  You want those
living bacteria in Lemke's stomach and intestines.  That way he'll live
longer, like the Azurbijhanies, who eat goat yoghurt like 3 times a day.
 
By the way, instead of throwing out yesterday's leftovers, dump them into
the soup too.  Every other day or so, add a couple segments fresh orange, or
pineapple to ensure that the vitamin C in the cabbage is supplemented.
 
Basically, this is just about the way I make my home-made soup for my
ferrets. As you may or may not know, it's called L U M P S, which being an
acronym, stands for Lipinski's Ultimate Porridge Soup.
 
Let me tell you, it's put carpets of fur on otherwise bald naked ferrets.
And, what a remarkable change it can make in a biting ferret's personality.
It'll turn a biter-scratcher into a kissie-licker.   And, I'm fairly well
convinced that L U M P S and ECE are never coexistent; that is, no ferret on
L U M P S has ever come down with the "green slime."
 
There are some out there who think I'm, how to say it?  Just a half bubble
off plumb.  Well maybe, but I gots lotsa healthy ferrets too.
 
Stand ready to receive from Lempke some of the most beautiful poop you've
ever seen . . . like a cigar !  And, that's good, you know.
 
By the way, would you please let us (or just me if you feel uncomfortable)
know the name of that lousy vet you first encountered.  FNW maintains a
listing of such vets who then receive negative referrals to ferreters who
call here wanting a recommendation of a good ferret vet.
 
                Glueck auf !  (Good luck!)
 
Edward Frettchenvergnuegen Lipinski,  Der Frettchenlustbarkeitsfuerher !
[Posted in FML issue 2104]