Dear Ferret Folks-

Cindy is absolutely right. Being the Governor of California would just
be beyond me, I am afraid. California is an economy as big as that of
many foreign nations and I am a sometimes fragile Manic-Depressive. I
have good days and bad days, and that's not helpful when you really
*need* the Governor to show up at the three day long Governor's
Conferences to drink cocktails, eat rubber chicken, and look perky for
all the group photos.

And Wolfy? Ha. Wolfy would fill the Governor's Mansion with aquaria and
kinkajous and lizards and just never come out, unless it was to tear up
the lawn with her ATV.

Gordon and Jeep? Sounds good to me. I second the motion.

Still...I think that I could serve the great State of California in one
particular capacity. Yes, I think there is a place where they could use
a Manic-Depressive Russian All-Around Lunatic. Oh, yes. I speak, of
course, of the Department of Fish and Game. Gordon could appoint me to
run it. And the first thing I would do...(wait for it...) would be to
legalize spayed and neutered Ferrets and African Pigmy Hedgehogs. Thus,
ENDING the argument about whether or not they could go feral. Anyone
within the California borders found breeding up fertile Ferrets or
Hedgies and selling them that way? Would lose the animals, the
equipment associated with breeding and raising the animals, and would
spend 150 hours assisting the nearest animal shelter. If that is not
done on time, the fines get steep fast. Very fast.

The exception of course would be the breeding program for Black Footed
Ferrets. I bet there are parts of California where the little critters
could thrive. All it takes is space, and Prairie Dogs. That could be
arranged.

Poachers? Well, if you drove to your hunting spot in a vehicle, you
lose the vehicle, and whatever you killed an animal with, or planned
to kill an animal with. That all gets sold at auction to benefit
California Wildlife Initiatives. Guns, bows, fishing rods, night vision
technology, whatever you were using. Say goodbye. Fancy camouflage gear
and new boots? Gone. Hunting/Fishing without a *license?* Same thing.
Say goodbye to the vehicle that brought you there, and all of your
shiny toys. Hunting/Fishing *out of season?* You know the drill.
Endangered species? Dude, I will make you pay to replace it, live.

And God help you if you are found hunting while intoxicated, or in
possession of an open container, six-pack, etc. You will *never* get a
permit to hunt in California again, ever, not that you will still have
your gun. It will be taken away and sold to support California Wildlife
Initiatives.You want to sit on a frozen lake, drink, and fish through a
little hole in the ice? Fine. Just don't pull a gun on the fish while
drinking, and I'm OK with it.

I would go down in history as the Vlad the Impaler of California Fish
and Game. And that 's not such a bad thing.

Alexandra in MA
(Heck, I bet Black Footed Ferrets could live in those nice dry canyons
in L.A. !)

[Posted in FML 7431]