This is coming in a bit late, because I didn't start receiving the FML
until a couple of days before I lost my babies, and then I had to move,
and have brain surgery, and then a month later had ovarian surgery...
And they left at separate times, but I would dearly love and cherish a
rainbow bridge greeting for each of my dearly departed children, Angel
and Asher. Not sure how to do this or exactly what to include, so I'm
just going to write a bit about everything and I'm sorry if it's too
much and too long...

A few months ago I woke one morning to go in to my kids' bedroom (they
had their own fuzz-proofed room where they could roam free at all times
within my apartment) and I found Asher acting erratically. He was
backing around the room in circles like he was trying to find a corner
to go to the bathroom in, but never paused to do so, instead throwing
up along his circular race. I knew something was horribly wrong and got
him in to see my vet right away. The vet supposed that there was an
intestinal blockage and that he was throwing up because of an irritated
esophagus. We tried meds first because we couldn't afford surgery. When
it became apparent that the meds weren't going to work, suddenly that
$500 endoscopy didn't sound so expensive after all. We were so sure
that we could save him... But alas the endoscopy revealed nothing other
than esophageal matter irritated enough that it was swollen nearly
shut. We tried everything. I was syringe feeding Asher every 4 hours,
even through the night, and administering medications every 6 and every
8 hours, along with delivering subcutaneous fluids by myself every 12
hours. My bedroom turned into a mini veterinary clinic. I kept him by
my side at all times and left my fiancee to take care of the other two
children in their room, not wanting to mix any germs if it was possible
to prevent a spread after Asher'd already been throwing up in their
room. Everything was scrubbed down with dilute bleach a few different
times, any cloth items in the apartment were cleaned. I missed weeks of
college courses to nurse my little Asher, and finally, one day when I
had to be away for just 15 minutes, something stabbed my heart so hard
I felt nauseous and it was literally physically painful to be away from
my apartment, from Asher. I knew something was wrong, and couldn't walk
back there fast enough. I couldn't breathe, it seemed like my heart
wasn't beating. When I got home I knew immediately why. My little buddy
was urinating blood. We rushed him to my vet as an emergency and had to
lay him to rest.

Angel had been dealing with Adrenal disease for the previous two years,
so we thought for sure she'd be the first one to go, she was also our
oldest. But she hung on for another two months after we lost Asher,
mommy lovingly cuddling her and feeding her soup every night just as
she had every night for those 2 years. One day, Angel stopped being
able to swallow her food all the way down too. Recognizing the
symptoms, we started her on the medications to relieve them. We didn't
take any drastic steps because at this point we knew what the outcome
was, and didn't want her to suffer as much as Asher had, feeling that
he had done so needlessly because it was determined there was nothing
at all we could have done. But I spent as much time as I possibly could
with her, holding her all the time (which she resented, as she was an
energetic and springy little 6 year old adrenal ferret) and giving her
soup as often as she asked for it. She had this adorable way of knowing
that if she followed me into the kitchen and stood at my feet staring
up at me I'd give in and make her a dish of her favorite snack, which
was simply a mix of turkey baby food, ferretvite, and a small
"frosting" if you will of ferretone. It got to a point where she
couldn't keep even the smallest amount of this down, no matter how
slowly I fed it to her, and we knew it was time for her to go join her
brother. God bless Dr. Katie Erswell for being the wonderful and loving
veterinarian that she is, she was willing to do a private goodbye in
her home for us on a Sunday afternoon, because that's when Angel needed
to go. If it weren't for the love and support of Dr. Katie, as well
as the rest of the staff members at Pine Point Animal Hospital in
Scarborough, Maine, I don't think I could have survived this ordeal.
Pine Point started to be like a second home to me, I was there every
day at certain points, because we were constantly trying out new meds
hoping they'd help. I was exhausted, I was falling apart and breaking
down, and everyone there did their best to show their love and kindness
to me and my kids, and it meant the world to me. So if the greeting
could include an expression of gratitude to them, I would deeply
appreciate it. I also could not have gotten through it without the love
and support of Jim and Crystal Kennedy of the Ferret Rescue of Maine,
who I worked with for the past two years, and took my tear-filled calls
at all hours of the night and day. Jim, Crystal, and Dr. Katie are
extraordinary people and the ferret world is all the better off for
having them in it.

Asher was a big, muscular sable boy, but he was lazy, and snuggly. He
would play, don't get me wrong, but he mostly liked to lay by the
bedroom door when it was closed, waiting for either myself or his
father to appear from the other side. His favorite toy was an oscar
meyer weenie whistle that I got in an assortment of burger
king/mcdonald's toys off of eBay for them to play with. His other
favorite from that collection was a minnie mouse gumball dispenser in
the shape of her standing at a jukebox. He was lovingly tolerant of his
younger brother, Pip, brought in about a year ago to be supportive for
when we lost Angel, because as I explained we expected to lose her
first, and we didn't want Asher-Badger to be alone. That was one of
his nicknames. Badger, Asher-Badge, Badger-Buddy and of course mommy's
little boy. He was 4 at the time we lost him. I adopted him from a
shelter in Vassalboro Maine after my fiancee and I moved to Portland,
because Angel had accompanied me from Grand Rapids MI and Dee Gage's
Midwest Ferret Connection. At the end of my time volunteering there,
just before the move, this tiny dark eyed white came in and within
seconds, it wasn't even a conscious formed thought, I knew she was
going to make the move to Maine with me. Anyway, Angel was alone while
we were in classes, so I adopted Asher about 8 months after to keep her
company during times when I had long days in the photo lab. I'm a photo
major, I was always taking pictures of my kids, and printing them in
the darkroom when I couldn't be with them.

Angel was the tiniest little full grown ferret I'd ever seen. She was a
dark-eyed white and all of 1lb. 6oz. when she was at her healthiest
weight. She was spunky and rambunctious. Always moving around, never
really playing, just always exploring. She was the most polite little
ferret I'd ever known, also. She'd play bite, but if she did it was
extremely gentle. She missed her litter box MAYBE 1% of the time. Any
other time she was an incredibly tidy little girl. If we took all of
her toys and piled them back into the picnic basket they belonged in,
she'd take them out one by one and carry them to her various hiding
spots. Her favorite toy was a squishy football given away by a bank
when you signed up for checking accounts. It was twice the size of her
but she'd drag it around anyways. If she stole things, it was either
entire sandals or the insoles for shoes, and she'd take one first, and
then the other, facing it in the same direction, right next to each
other, always left and right, just like you'd leave them at the door.
One time she stole my roommate's sandal and was running full tilt into
the bedroom with it. Daddy caught sight of her as he was standing in
the doorway to the bedroom and looked down at her and said "That's not
yours! You go put that back, you silly girl." and SHE DID! She stopped,
dropped it, looked up at him, and then it seemed like she waited until
we might not notice she was doing something good, and she picked it
back up and took it right back to where she got it. She was incredibly
intelligent. I swear she knew everything you said to her. Her nicknames
were Little, Lit-mouse, and Angel-Weez. During the last few days of her
life she slept in a little pink fleece-and-silk blankie I bought for
her to be of comfort after she lost her brother. I bundled that up
inside a comforter and placed it next to the head of my bed. She slept
right next to my face, I was always checking on her. The day she left
us I bundled her in her blankie and held her tight to my chest, petted
her and sang Sarah McLachlan's "Angel" to her as a lullaby before we
left to go to Dr. Katie's to say goodbye. We got to Dr. Katie's 10
minutes early so we decided to take her to the ocean shore and show her
the ocean here before she left. She seemed to know what was going on,
and humored me because she knew I was trying to do something sweet,
even though super snuggly moments always seemed to be too sappy for
her. She was 'too cool' for that stuff, but could be loving and snuggly
when she knew I needed it. She absorbed many of my tears without a
complaint over the years.

Both of these kids changed my life in profound and somewhat, but not
entirely, unexpected ways. They got me through hard days at school,
fights with dad, fights with my roommate, and 4 of my 22 brain
surgeries. Surviving them is their little brother, Pip, who since
losing them has acquired an interesting mix of both of their
personalities as he has matured a little. As soon as my fiancee and I
find an apartment, we will begin the search for a new companion for
Pipperidge, because he has been looking for Asher and Angel since they
have gone. I don't know if I can ever find little ones as special as
Angel and Asher were, and lord knows they can never be replaced, but my
hope is that I can find someone who is every bit as special in their
own way. To me (as I'm sure to any ferret mom their kids are) they were
perfect, and just what I needed in my life. It's been 2 months since
Angel and 4 months since Asher, and still I think about them every day.
I say goodnight to them every night. I miss them still so much that it
hurts sometimes. I want them to know that I'm thinking of them, and
their dad and I both love and miss them dearly. They are preceded by
Patchoulli, Juniper, and many friends and playmates from the Ferret
Rescue of Maine and the Kennedy's clan there.

Thank you for your time and consideration,
~Serra Morgan

[Posted in FML 6453]