>From:    Alexandra Corporal-Colburn <[log in to unmask]>
>Subject: L.O.W.=?
>
>Yes, someone has actually recorded the duration of enough mustellid
>urination events to yield a body of information large enough to derive
>statistically significant figures from it, such as the L.O.W. (length
>of wee) for weasels. However, the figure in question is of high
>intelligence value, and access to it is at this time closely guarded
>by Homeland Security. It is kept in a lead lined box in a hardened,
>secure location with Dick Cheney and his tinfoil hat collecton.

Alexandra in MA . . . I'll have you know Alex-in Ma, Dick and I are
good friends and that influence has opened the G. W. Bush Homeland
Security Vault, and upon approval of the Messiah Hussein Barack Obama,
whose OK is expected coincident with the activation of the first
Stimulus Bill, full disclosure is preimminent.

As a mere American citizen of some kind of character you are not
permitted to know the details of the L.O.W.W. time evaluations
secreted in the lead lined box.

You should know that your definition, L.O.W, is one "wee" short.
Consequently your brevity has cut the reported time by one half and
left the donor ferret with half a tank full and somewhat irritated
in that she was interrupted before she could micturate completely.

You should be informed that our government ferrets do not perform in
your commoner language of L.O.W.. These ferrets are heavily subsidized
by K Street lobbyists and are absolutely not permitted to, as you put
it, L.O.W., or as more properly stated,. L.O.W.W. (not forgetting the
second "wee".) The more proper term is micturation.

Science must needs come to a standstill until fully micturated
government ferrets are asked to perform and their times measured from
the first spurt until the last drop, whenever that is. Here we may have
some difficulty determining the final drop, since the frequency of
drops approaches a negative asymptotic curve plotted against time. Or,
stated differently, the increasing time between successive drops gives
one pause to be able to identify the final drop, au natural..

On the other hand, the scientist would expect the stone impacted
ferret's micturation frequency to increase, the volume per micturation
to decrease and the penultimate final drop to be immeasurable, insofar
that the stone partial blockage of the urethera is expected to inhibit
full sphincteristic stenosis of the canal. And you know what this
means, yes? It means a ferret that trails a moist tale from a wet tail
where ever she trots.

Alas! We must wait to get into that lead lined box for full disclosure,
absolute visibility, and bipartisan compromise . . .all this just for P
time, wow!

(Latin:  Vincet omnia veritas.    Truth conquers all things)
Edward Lipinski

[Posted in FML 6230]