My heart is broken into a million tiny scalding tears.  I was working
away from home and my husband notified me a few days before I was to
return that Spaz wasn't looking so good.  Spaz was diagnosed with cancer
when he was 8 months old.  He had two surgeries before he was a year and
a half old.  Tumors removed from each of his hind legs.  He was put on a
course of Pred and we were told we'd be lucky to have him for another 6
months to a year.  Well he survived all of that and when he was taken in
for his 3rd yearly checkup the Vet couldn't believe he was still with us.
She took him off of Pred at that time as she was worried about the
implications of having him on Pred for so long.  She told us not to
expect much, maybe 3 to 6 months.  Well our little dig dog made it to
almost 6 years of age before I had to help him to the bridge.  I arrived
home to find that he was a little wobbly on his back legs, quite a large
distended tummy, but was eating, drinking and of course pooping very
well.  My husband had done everything right, so please no flames.  When
my husband took him to the Vet, she stated he had a large tumor in his
tummy and his time had come, he inquired if Spaz was in any pain, and the
Vet said any ferret that scarfs down food and raisins like he was at the
office is not in any pain.  My husband cuddled and slept with him for 2
days until I got home.
 
On the day that I got home my boy was so happy to see me and improved
steadily over the afternoon and evening, he was eating his chicken sticks
and playing a little with his toys.  He then cuddled and slept on my lap
all evening, just leaving to go poop.  I couldn't part with him just yet,
I had to have some time with him.  He was happy and not in pain, but I
knew that it was only a matter of time before this tumor was going to
start hurting, and his tummy was so big, I slept with him for 3 nights
and gave him all of the love in my being.  I told him how much he was
adored and what a great inspiration he had been to me, and how much I
would miss him but how he would always stay with me, forever.  I then
made the hardest decision to take my boy and help him to the bridge where
he would always be happy and healthy.  I held him and talked to him the
whole time at the Vet's and never took my eyes away from his eyes.  I
promised myself that as long as he was conscious he wouldn't see me cry,
so he went to sleep seeing his mom's loving eyes, smiling face and
feeling her kisses on his little body.  Only after he was gone did the
floodgates open and all the hurt in my heart pour out.
 
Good bye to the best friend I ever, ever had, my confidante, my "quit
feeling so sorry for yourself and get your ass out of bed, I want my
soup" friend, my friend in laughter & tears, in depression and
loneliness.  My buddy, on camping trips, trips to the mall, trips to
pottery, trips to friends, just drives in the country, down to dig at the
beach, oh hell, he went everywhere I went.
 
Thank you Spazzy for being the best education tool in helping people to
see that ferrets are incredibly smart and sensitive little animals, that
they don't stink, that they make you laugh hysterically at their hijinks
and that they give you unconditional love.  Thank you to my Spaz for
never judging me and always accepting of who I was, which was your Mom.
I will miss him forever and I can't stop thinking about him.  I had him
cremated and I had a plaque made for his Urn.he will be buried in my
Mom's yard, under a huge maple tree and a lily planted for him.  I really
don't think I can go through this again, as much as I love fuzzies my
hurt is killing me right now.  Maybe after some time...
 
Kate (Alone)
[Posted in FML issue 4965]