How about $5.50 for a meringue pie that you can throw at the face of one
Edward Lipinski from a distance of 5 feet.  "Lipi" will be restrained from
dodging any thrown meringue pie, so your aim will be the only variable in
this event.
 
All monies raised in this event at the NWFA August 8 shindig at Issaquah's
Klahnie Park will be used to unplug "Lipi's" nostrils after the last pie
is thrown.  No, no.  Seriously, all funds will be used to further the
interests of the North West Ferret Association, of which "Lipi" is a
member, right now, and not really in very good standing with the
membership.  I wonder why?
 
Since "Lipi" is an avowed sexist, homophobe and just plain cantankerous in
his old age all ladies and homophilics will have priority over all other
pie flingers.  Of course "Lipi" says he wants to reserve the right to stick
out his tongue at you just before you launch your pie, hopefully to get you
so ruffled that you will miss splatering your pie in his face.  Yuk, yuk!
 
Of course, early registration is required so the NWFA will know how many
hundreds of meringue pies to order.  Please contact Charlene Schuster of
the NWFA to place your order for your pies and Michael McKinley, the
Director of WSFA ([log in to unmask]) to affirm whether or not this "revenge"
event will ultimately take place on August 8 when and if sufficient numbers
of ferret avengers and disgruntled shelter volunteers sign up.
 
Also available will be stout sticks to beat against an enlarged copy of Mr.
Lipinski's recent posting about his opinions of shelter worker volunteers -
this the instrument that has caused such an uproar amoung the faithful, the
forlorn and the frustrated.
 
In the meantime, "Lipi" offers to all - his profound and sincerely felt
apology - to the many who have been upset by his bluntness and disrespect
for the other gender and requests that he will be someday pardoned for his
transgression.  And in particular, to the North West Ferret Association of
dedicated volunteers who, on May 16, performed a very much appreciated
"outreach" at the Ferrets NorthWest shelter, he seeks their pardon and
forgiveness, since they themselves felt included in the damnation, even
though they were not specifically mentioned nor specifically excluded.
 
To the many who offered suggestions on how to better manage the situation
in scheduling volunteers, how to better appreciate the cuddling and
"hands-on" affection for the flat cats, and how to appreciate the
interpersonal socializing of volunteers, he thanks you, thanks you, and
thanks you, each and every one.  And, although this may be a bit premature,
he'd love to extend an invitation to anyone to come and visit Ferrets North
West shelter and watch him clean cages while they do whatever they feel
inclinded to do (with the ferrets, I mean).  They can teach Miss Maggie
some new swear words and play poof-poof with Miss Minkie.  She flicks her
tail and stomps her hind paws just before she does a mock charge, and like
a llama, sort of spits at you.
 
Edward Lipinski,
Ferret Endowment for Research, Rehabilitation, Education & Training
Society, North West,  FERRETS, NW.
[Posted in FML issue 2747]