A primer on hairballs and what does not work:
 
 Date: Sat, 03 Mar 2001 00:55:39 -0000
 Subject: Re: Hairballs // Technique for removal - NOT!!!
 
If you've never had them, your level of concern should be low.
 
At our house, we don't do anything at all - it has never been a problem.
Occasionally the ferrets get laxatone as a treat, but not for any
therapeutic reason.
 
Laxatone may help for the stray couple of hairs, but if you are trying
to remove one like the ones on the front page (Thanks for the picture,
XXXXX!), laxatone is not going to do it.  These are surgical problems.
The pylorus - the part where the stomach enters the much smaller intestine
will not allow something this big to pass, and the ferret is not going to
vomit it up either.  Because the ferret's stomach is always full of hair,
he'll generally feel full and the first thing you will notice is a lack of
appetite or significant weight loss.
 
There were some early posts on pineapple juice.  This has been rumored
for years to work in rabbits due to the level of papain (an enzyme) in
pineapple juice.  Doesn't work.  Hair is composed of keratin, the same
thing that your nails are composed of - it is one of the toughest things
in nature.  Pineapple juice is not going to digest it.  If you don't
believe me, try it - but use the fresh squeezed pineapple, not the surgary
watered down variety you get in the store.
 
If the normal high acid pH (1.0-2.0) of the stomach won't digest it, what
makes you think that a breakfast drink will?  Ever seen the villain lower
the hero slowly into a large vat of pineapple juice to die a horrible
death?  Of course not.
 
The key here is that if you want to do anything against hairballs, give
a half inch of laxatone every day or two, especially in animals that chew
at themselves a lot or during the shedding season.  It may help, it may
not, but the ferret will like it.  But don't expect to be dissolving any
hairballs.
 
With kindest regards,
Bruce H. Williams, DVM
 
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[Posted in FML issue 3349]