Yep, we got 'em.  Tobey is his name.  He's a albino streaker and was clocked
at 5.63 miles per hour over a 25-foot course on a gymnasium floor.  That's
9.06 kilometers per hour for our metric friends with their o-so-slow
European, Australian, and Japanese ferrets, et al.
 
After some 25 ferrets competed in 46 swimming trials at our Ferret Olympics
last August in Seattle's Lake Washington, the fastest swimmer was a silver
mitt hob by the name of Benjamin, owned by Greg Olthoff.  His velocity in
the water was clocked at 1.74 miles per hour ( 2.8 kilometers per hour).
 
Sooo!  Ferrets NorthWest issues this challenge to the entire world:
 
  Beat us if you can, you bunch of slowpokes!  We challenge you to compete
  in our Ferret Olympic Trials the last Sunday in June at Sayre's Park on
  the shore of formerly salmon- infested Lake Washington.
 
  And for those too scared to dare challenge our Super-dooper ferrets
  (makes those so-called League of Super Ferrets look ] like creampuffs)
  you can get a second chance the last Sunday in August, when we do it
  again.
 
NOTE: For our foreign adversaries, clock your ferrets to the 1/100 second
over a precisely measured course 25-feet (7.62 meters) long and compute the
ferret's velocity in Miles Per Hour MPH or Kilometers Per Hour KPH.  Post
your results to us at Ferrets NorthWest which we will proudly report.  We
rely on your honesty.
 
For the swimming competition, tie 1-foot subsurface a white line
(non-stretchable) between two posts stuck in the lake bottom and jutting
out of the water at a distance from each other of 25-feet (7.62 meters)
precisely.
 
Ensure that the Frettchenlustbarkeitsfuerher (Ferret Frolics Leader) guides
the swimming ferret directly above the white line, so that its course is
straight as can be between the two posts imbedded in the lake bottom.
 
It is verboten for the ferret to touch the beach or any underwater
projection during its progress swimming between the two posts.  A timer
judge, either on shore or in the water, must measure the ferret's time
swimming between the two posts to the 1/100 second.  Then compute the
ferrets speed as required, both metric and American, non-metric.
 
Suggested computation method:
 
Multiply the reciprocal of the time in seconds times the constant
k 17.04545
to yield the speed in miles per hour.  OR
 
Multiply the reciprocal of the time in seconds times the constant
k 27.432
to yield the speed in kilometers per hour.
 
Good luck to you one and all.  But, don't be sad if you cannot beat our
great American ferrets; for you see, they are simply the greatest fastest
ferrets in the entire world!
 
Edward Lipinski,  Der Frettchenlustbarkeitsfuerher, who wishes you all:
Frettchen
Vergnuegen! [G.]  Ferret joy!
[Posted in FML issue 2252]