To: [log in to unmask]
 
Garrison and everyone else involved w/ the PHC:
 
Hi, this is Bela and Fezzik writing here, we're a couple of ferrets: Mustela
putorius furo.  We've been faithful listeners to the PHC for a couple of
years now.
 
We have always been impressed with the content of the PHC and we especially
love to hear whats going on in Lake Wobegone (sp).  But recently we have
been troubled by a comment about ferrets like us invading minnesota and
causing trouble.  Unfortunately, we are incapable of invading because we
cannot live without our hooman beans to take care of us, but if we could,
you can bet that missing shoe insoles, potatoes, packages of cookies, gum,
bottles of shampoo, remote controls and anything else that we find
entertaining, will turn up missing.  But our most notorious crime has always
been stealing the hearts of our two legged hooman pals.
 
Unfortunately, a lot of hoomans seem to be scared of us.  Somehow they think
that we are meaner than doggies or cats and that we attack babies, spread
rabies, hunt down native species and are responsible for the second shooter
on the grassy knoll.  I can tell you unequivocally that this is all untrue
and that all we really want is your love, (and raisins of course: We'll even
roll-over for them.) These fallacies are simply misinformation which need to
be dispelled.
 
Our political wing: The FLO, is currently trying very hard to change
anti-ferret legislation in California which is based upon much of the same
misinformation that we cited above.  We want to change things, so that
ferrets entering the state of California are no longer confiscated and
destroyed and that our Californian hooman friends will have the same right
as hoomans in other states to legally own ferrets.  What we need is for
people to be exposed to the truth about ferrets: We are gentle, clean, fun,
very intelligent and we have been domesticated longer than cats have: We
cannot survive in the wild because we are a domestic species.
 
If you could maybe slip something positive about ferrets into the program,
or mention the current effort to legalize us in California and some of the
rationale behind both sides of the argument, we would be very appreciative
of it.  I have the feeling that we are not the last ferrets you will hear
from, but also know that if we could, we would give you leg-hugs and kissies
for your help.
 
Keep up the great work,
Bela & Fezzik
(with help from our hooman beans: Jon Rex and Mitsy Anderson)
 
"Until the circle of man's compassion is extended to all living things, man
himself shall not find peace" - Albert Schweitzer
[Posted in FML issue 1572]