Here are some of my will not's and some will do's.
 
I will not use the turntable as an amusement park ride.
 
I will not steal every stuffed toy I see,as they are not all mine,and it
upsets the small human.
 
I will not try to beat my human out the door,because I don't need to go to
the store.
 
I will not dig all the cat litter out of the cat box,as it is much more
useful in the cat box.They don't dig in my box.
 
I will not try to dig to China under the door,since it is not on the other
side.
 
I will not lick Mom's toes as she steps out of the shower,as it tickles,
and may get me squashed,even if I do like her dancing.
 
I will not try to straighten out the cats ears.Mom says she's a Scottish
Fold and they're supposed to be that way.
 
I will not climb up on the counter and knock everything off.My human says
decorating is not my thing.
 
I will not poop in front of the door.My human says the smear does not add
to the ambiance.
 
I will not poop where my human steps to go to the bathroom.She doesn't like
things that go squish in the night.
 
I will not drag my water dish across the floor,since Mom assures me it
tastes exactly the same in the bowl as it does on the floor.
 
I will not kill the evil sock monster while it is on my human's foot.
 
Now on to the I will's
I will hold still for the camera,so my human has more to show than a blur.
 
I will go in the potty,not over the side,to see that funny face my human
makes.
 
I will leave the bananas alone,because contrary to popular belief,I'm not
a monkey.
 
I will behave when my human has company and leave their ears alone,they're
clean enough.
 
I will have a raisin for a snack,not toes.My human doesn't care if I am an
obligate carnivore.
 
I will stay on my human's shoulder,and not try to prove I can fly.The vet
bill is already too high.
 
I will stay inside,unless I have my leash on, and my human with me.My human
says she doesn't have nine lives and neither do I.
 
That's all folks.
 
Sandy and the Fuzzy Gang
[Posted in FML issue 3170]