Greetings and anatomical juxtapositions of two dual obicularus muscles
placed in tenacious contraction!  (Look it up.) - of the ferret kind, of
course!
 
Was just skimming through this morning's FML as I must - unfortunately - do
these days, when I noticed this question.  Hmmp!
 
Well, I'll tell just how mad a ferret can get:
 
(Hey!  We wanna help tell this story too!  You go to bed and act pitiful -
we'll take it from here.)
 
(No way!  Well, G'night.  Feel like I didn't get any sleep last night.  I'll
let Mee Maw keep the story straight.)
 
Imagine an Old Fert whose sleeping schedule is not in sync with most of the
rest of the world.  Imagine that he heads to bed at 1 AM, pokes his finger
into the ferrets' water dish - feels water up to his knuckle - and sighs,
secure in the knowledge that he won't have to water the beasties before he
succumbs to the arms of Morpheus.
 
Then he checks the food dish; and feeling what he considers to be an ample
supply of kibbles, crawls into bed and rolls up in the covers - not
realizing that he had pulled all the covers off of his wife in the process.
Her wrath pales in comparisson to the fundamental mistake that he made when
he checked the food dish.
 
What the poor Old Fool didn't realize was that the sweet, loving ferrets
with whom he shares his bedroom, had rigged the odds against him.
 
Instead of a full bowl of food, their dish contained two old socks, a grungy
pair of unmentionable things, some pocket change, other assorted goodies and
treasures - and very few actual particles of food.
 
It didn't take long for the ferrets to realize that the Old Fert was trying
to starve them to death.  At 3 AM the offensive began.
 
Odie sneezed into Mee Maw's left ear.  She woke just enough to realize that
she was freezing to death.  She yanked on the covers, which had the effect
of dumping Paw Paw right off of the bed and onto the floor.  He mumbled
something about getting a new mattress and stayed asleep.
 
Two hours later, Phase Two began.  It would have started sooner but Tater
and Odie were too busy laughing their tails off.  Promptly, at 5 AM the main
attack started.  Tater stuck his nose right up Paw Paw's right nostril and
snorted the mightiest sneeze that he had ever sneezed.  Odie crawled up on
the Old Fool's face and commenced to licking his left eyelid.  That's when
all heck broke loose!
 
Just as Tater sneezed, Paw Paw opened his eyes and felt Odie's raspy tongue
as it raked across his eyeball.
 
"I'm blind!" He yelped as he jumped up.  Not realizing that he was on the
floor and didn't have his leg brace on, he nose dived for his pillow but
ended up, face first, in the bedroom trash can.  He flopped and moaned a few
times, scatched an itch, rolled under the bed, and went back to sleep.
 
Mee Maw's alarm thingy went off.  She yawned and stretched while Tater and
Odie scampered up to her side, laid their heads on her tummy - and looked
just as innocent as they could.
 
"Morning, Guys," Mee Maw said.  "What are you doing up so early?"
 
Then she noticed that a familiar lump was missing from the place in the bed
where Paw Paw usually slept.  She bowed up like a cut worm and said, "I sure
wish he'd quit sitting up all night and playing on my new pooter."
 
She got up, put her robe on and watched Tater and Odie as they looked pitiful
and pushed their food dish to where she could see it.
 
"You poor little babies!" She cried when she noticed its condition.  "Paw
Paw threw his underwear into your dish and didn't even feed you last night.
No No, Bad Paw Paw."
 
Well, to shorten up a long story, ferrets can get mad - they can get even
too!
 
Joy to the World!
 
Paw Paw (Zzzzzz), Tater, Odie and Mee Maw
[Posted in FML issue 1918]