Hello, all,
We are not too big on baths for ferrets here, but after reading the recent
posts about people offending their [picky, ignorant] coworkers with L'Air
du Ferrets, I decided that the day before my daughter had 6 of her little
friends over for a birthday sleepover would be a good day for a little
grooming upgrade.
 
So I did the usual: got the warm bathwater ready, the shampoo, the
conditioner, the huge pile of towels, and then went hunting for Rustle and
Archie, who had mysteriously disappeared sometime during my preparations.
 
The sudden scarcity of mustelids occasioned my first unforgiveable sin... I
pretended that I was going to give them some banana.  And yes, once I had
flushed them out from their hiding spots, I did give them a lick each on
their way to the sink.  But it was evil of me.  If anyone remembers the
scene in Roger Rabbit, where Roger is tricked into giving his hiding spot
away because he can't resist finishing "Shave and a haircut, two bits", you
will know just how unfair it is of me to walk through the house calling
"Banoo!  BANOOONIES!!!!" Gets 'em every time.
 
Okay, the next evil thing I did was to actually stick them in the water and
shampoo, condition, and rinse them.  They are so small when they are wet,
and so inexplicably well-behaved.  Why don't they bite me when I bathe
them?  I would bite me.  Somehow their limp little demoralized forms are so
much more damning than a bite would be, and boy, do they ever lay it on
thick.
 
But the very worst thing I did was after they had had their final rinse,
before I turned them loose into the pile of warm towels.  It was when I
dangled each one, squeegeeing out the excess water with my fingers, going
from the chest to the tummy to the little feet and tail.  Admit it, you all
probably do the same thing.  It's just a compulsion.  I try not to do it,
but I just can't help myself.  It is irresistible.
 
Well, Rustle and Archie are now not speaking to me.  It's not like they
have a whole lot of dignity to begin with, but what little they had was
severely injured by me treating them like a pair of socks.
 
Now they are giving me Looks, accusatory and compelling.  They are not
coming over to be picked up and kissed... they are staring at me from a
safe distance, sending messages with two pairs of beady black eyes.  I
somehow have been made to feel that I should confess my guilt, right now.
And that by doing so, by subjecting myself to public humiliation, I will
perhaps gain their forgiveness, if not today, then sometime before I die.
At least I hope so.
 
Thank you, everyone, for allowing me to come clean.
 
Jennifer (a bad human, a VERY bad human)
[Posted in FML issue 2598]