Hi Y'all.  Just got back from CaCa land and my dad is doing better (The mink
post was forwarded to Elizabeth who posted it for me).  While in the CaCa
state, I actually got into a huge argument with a lady CaCa Fish and Gestapo
agent who wouldn't give me her name.  She knew me though; that's how it
started-- I was talking about ferrets to some friends at a picnic, and said
I was the Mo' Bob from the FML.  She butted in to "refute" some of my
statements, called me an anarchist, and the argument started.  Well,
argument is not a true descriptive term--it was almost a fist-fight
actually; not on my part, honest!  Somehow I was able to, well, really piss
that Fish and Gestapo lady off!  I don't know why or how, but might have
been related to my stumping her and making her look REALLY STUPID in front
of 20-30 people.  She just got madder and madder until she blew up and
threatened to arrest me!  It was so cool!!!!  Anyway, the police were called
by someone who thought she was about to pull her gun, and the situation was
(at least physically) diffused.  It didn't stop me from continuing to
speaking biotalk to her, and making her look even stupider in front of the
cops, though.  I never had so much fun!
 
BTW, the comment that really set her off was when I called her an
emotionally stilted, academically challenged, sexually repressed,
prostitutional advocate of game hunting who couldn't fire all four neurons
in her brain if she fell on a stick of dynamite and it went up her butt
right next to her brain, and who couldn't tell the difference between a
mustelid and a musty head, and considering she had the later, it should be
easy.  I also apologized to her for making fun of her mental abilities
because it was impolite to poke fun at inbreeding defects and mental
retardation.  But the comment that made her reach for her gun was when I
suggested she wasn't smart enough to be a Deputy Fife and her only
self-esteem came from polishing her pistol, and I didn't know what she used
to do it.  Of course, that was long after I discovered she couldn't define a
species or domestication, nor could she refute the F&G protection of feral
and introduced animals, simply because they are popular for hunting, such as
"wild" boar, horses, burros, sheep, goats, pheasants, some quails, many
fish, and even plants, nor that the F&G regularly allowed wild animals to be
imported, such as sika or fallow deer, which COULD maintain feral colonies.
One of my friends videotaped the encounter, anticipating my arrest no doubt,
and has promised to send me a copy.  Once I get it (and the time) I may put
the best parts on my web page as short clips.  I have to visit my dad more
often!
 
Q: (Private): Your post on vision confused me. Can't ferrets see far?
 
A: No. They once saw Jamie Farr, and it ruined them.
 
Sure they can.  They can see everything we can, except the more distant
objects are not focused.  They see movement quite well, and, according to my
friend --an expert on animal vision-- their particular astigmatism makes
overhead motion quite noticable.  Those of you with my particular vision
problems will understand when I say I have ferret vision.  I can focus on
the tip of my nose, but anything farther away than 5-6 feet is hopelessly
blurry.  I can see people, recognize shapes, colors, and especially
movement, I just can't make out the features.  Also, my pupils are nearly 4
mm offset from center, producing a very noticable astigmatism in an
up-and-down direction, making my side vision even worse.  Just because they
are nearsighted, it doesn't mean they can't see.
 
Also Sukie mentioned she thought her ferret might see blue, even though
domesticated ferrets are reported to have lost that trait.  Is she wrong?  I
don't think so.  Assuming she is right, all it means is she has one of the
few ferrets that still possess the ability.  Not all wild true-blooded
polecats see blue either, nor have masks, nor are sexually dimorphic, etc.
These traits are actually found on a continuum; that is, the color vision of
ferrets may actually range from some that can't see ANY color to those that
see reds and blues.  Occasionally, one might be found that can see into the
oranges and greens.  Most, however, only see the reds.
 
What some people don't realize is, even without color, objects have a
tonality based on their degree of reflectance.  Just look at a B&W movie to
see what I mean.  Many times people think a ferret loves an object because
of its color, or seems to prefer objects of a specific color, it is not
actually because of the color, but because of the tonality.  My ferrets
actually prefer objects that contrast well against the background, which,
for my house, means very light or very dark objects.
 
Mo' Bob and the 17 Mo' Wacky Weaselids (In memory of Buddy and Gus)
[Posted in FML issue 1874]