These are the certified  winners of the Paper Bag Escape Contest held at
Stanley B. Sayre's Park, Seattle, Washington State, August 31st, 1997.
These three winners will be receiving in the mail their Certificates of
FERRET MERIT inscribed as follows:
 
 First Place at 17.39 seconds to escape from a doubly folded over Kraft
 paper grocery bag .  .  .  card please; and the winner is:
 
      Ferret LOKI owned by Mr. Glenn Price.   17.39 seconds.
 
 Second Place 17.40 seconds . . . card please; and the winner is:
 
      Ferret FLATFOOT owned by Mr. John Poole.  17.40 seconds.
 
 Third Place 39.39 seconds . . . card please; and the winner is:
 
      Ferret MIKO owned by Ms. Cendra Parks.  39.39 seconds.
 
These are the official results as certified by Der
Frettchenlustbarkeitsfuehrer Herrn Edward Frettchenvergnuegen Lipinski, E.K
nicht klassifiziert.  (Iron Cross, unclassified.)
 
Glueckwuensche auf Alle (Congratulations to all of you.)
 
Please stay tuned, for tomorrow will be posted the winners of the amazing
Ferrets Sniffing-up-a-String Contest.  (Note: ferret contestant is placed
midway and at one end of a pair of yard-long strings that are suspended
horizontally two inches above the grass.  One string had been soaked in a
solution of ferret feces and water; and a second soaked in a solution of
disected-out scent gland/storage sack paste and water.  What did the ferrets
do?  Which was the preferred string?)
 
And man, is this weird or what?
 
Omne ignotum pro magnifico.  [L.] Everything unknown is presumed to be
something magnificent.
 
        Edward Lipinski,
    Koenig von Frettchenvergnuegen Land.
[Posted in FML issue 2126]