Dear Jess,

Edward Lipinski here again. Got some more information that should've
been included in my post of yesterday, 01.09.09.

I didn't come right out and say it but the thread of the 14 steps is to
get the toothy one to use his tongue/nose every time he's intimate with
you and when naked skin is within his reach. The objective is for him
to develop an association with your stink. And you do stink (smell) by
emitting a complex gas from your skin, hair, clothes and mouth.
Particularly your mouth, Your stink, well maybe *scent* would be a
preferred word here, your scent is unique in this world and nobody
scents the same as you. I am certain, that presented with a knowing
reward, your ferret could unerringly pick you out of a milling crowd of
a hundred Pilgrims. This, done with his olefactory neurons in his brain
as delivered from the scent sensing nerves in the sinuses of his skull.

Is this not what the bloodhound dog can do also? If him, why not the
ferret too?

I am of the opinion that the smell sense of a ferret is very highly
developed, perhaps even more so than the sense of taste, albeit taste
and smell may be closely related in closely associated parts of the
brain. The smell sense of the ferret is demonstrated vividly by placing
a source of water on the floor in a large room wherein a thirsty ferret
lurks. If you watch him his behavior will reveal that his sense of
smell is so acute its just like an Israeli missile homing in on a Hamas
militant. The ferret will home in on the water by repeated head lifts,
obvious sniffing the air, and lateral movements that gradually decrease
in width the closer the ferret gets to the water. It's doubtful if you
can smell water from across the room. I can't. Yet your ferret can.

Knowing this much about a ferret, why don't we take advantage of this
characteristic and use it for our benefit? This I have done . . .
repeatedly. Now I offer it you you for your benefit, as well as to
others who may have the same problem ferret as you.

So to avoid repetition of my previous post, let's just assume now that
you have been successful and have achieved the end result of having
your Frettchen licking your home made Meat/Vegetable soup out of the
palm of your hand. And you also have him licking the few drops of
Ferretone (or equivalent, such as safflower oil) out of your palm
without any foreboding of a follow up skin bite. When you totally trust
him, drizzle the oil on your finger for him.

Dieser ist ausgezeichnet, as the folks in Deutschland say. It's not all
that easy to pronounce, either. What it means is, This is excellent.

So OK, you got it made. That is for the time being. For the future
you've got to be locked in to the forever bribe and you need to add a
little twist here. Palmate you left palm with a little extra oil. Perch
the ferret on your right forearm and hold the arm horizontal and as
high up on your chest as comfortable. AFTER he starts licking the oil
from your left palm. gently burrow your nose into his fur and TALK,
TALK, TALK to him so that he can smell your breath fully and deeply.
Repeat this deep breathing like an erotic exhalation most every time
you pick him up, until you have faith in him that he's become your
favorite licker.

NOTE. I recommend that any new person being introduced to him first
accept a ferret kiss in the palm of his hand. Add a drop or two of oil
into the stranger's palm and watch his face. I guarantee you'll see a
smile of pure delight. Oh, and be sure to ask the licked what the
licker's tongue feels like. Like a cat's, rough? Or does it feel like
a dog's tongue, smooth and flat.? And which way does the tip curl ...
up or down ... or neither?

Shelter operators will find that the Newbie introduction to the ferret,
as I've written directly above, will most likely result in an immediate
adoption of a lick, lick, licker-kissy ferret. And just like me, you'll
probably take all the kisses you can get. Maybe one in five from a
ferret - all the others punctuated with erotic exhalations? Oye veh!

Having been into ferrets now for some 28 years, I couldn't help but
learn a little bit about them. If you have bred ferrets or may be
intending to, I can offer a few tips on rearing kits so that their
needles, their baby teeth, will not bloody your fingers. Handling kits
without gloves may require some special considerations, depending upon
how many mummy functional teats are available to the litter and how
many kits are in the litter.

Candide et caute. (Latin: With candor and caution)
Edward Lipinski
Gosh, 28 years of shoveling ferret poop. . . must've done  a couple of
tons by now.

[Posted in FML 6210]