BIG, bear with me, this is long but it's the song's fault, not mine.
 
A Traditional Christmas Carol,
corrected for Ferret Lovers by H. Wojtowicz
 
On the first day of Christmas, my ferret gave to me
A knocked-over, dug-up pear tree
 
On the second day of Christmas, my ferret gave to me
Two stolen gloves
And a knocked-over, dug-up pear tree.
 
On the third day of Christmas, my ferret gave to me
Three stashed treats
Two stolen gloves, and a knocked-over dug-up pear tree
 
On the fourth day of Christmas, my ferret gave to me
Four escape attempts
Three stashed treats, two stolen gloves
And a knocked-over, dug-up pear tree.
 
On the fifth day of Christmas, my ferret gave to me
Five piles of...love.
Four escape attempts, three stashed treats, two stolen gloves
And a knocked-over, dug-up pear tree.
 
On the sixth day of Christmas, my ferret gave to me
Six fruitless scoldings
Five piles of...love.
Four escape attempts, three stashed treats, two stolen gloves
And a knocked-over, dug-up pear tree.
 
On the seventh day of Christmas, my ferret gave to me
Seven socks a-stolen
Six fruitless scoldings
Five piles of...love.
Four escape attempts, three stashed treats, two stolen gloves
And a knocked-over, dug-up pear tree.
 
On the eighth day of Christmas, my ferret gave to me
Eight "dooks" of mischief
Seven socks a-stolen, six fruitless scoldings
Five piles of...love
Four escape attempts, three stashed treats, two stolen gloves
And a knocked-over, dug-up pear tree
 
On the ninth day of Christmas, my ferret gave to me,
Nine cries of, "No! No!"
Eight "dooks" of mischief, seven socks a-stolen, six fruitless scoldings
Five piles of...love
Four escape attempts, three stashed treats, two stolen gloves
And a knocked-over, dug-up pear tree.
 
On the tenth day of Christmas, my ferret gave to me
Ten wet-nosed snuggles
Nine cries of "No! No!", eight "dooks" of mischief
Seven socks a-stolen, six fruitless scoldings
Five piles of...love
Four escape attempts, three stashed treats, two stolen gloves
And a knocked-over, dug-up pear tree.
 
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my ferret gave to me
Eleven cupboards raided
Ten wet-nosed snuggles, Nine cries of, "No! No!"
Eight "dooks" of mishief,
seven socks a-stolen, six fruitless scoldings,
Five piles of...love
Four escape attempts, three stashed treats, two stolen gloves
And a knocked-over, dug-up pear tree.
 
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my ferret gave to me
Twelve ferret kisses
Eleven cupboards raided, ten wet-nosed snuggles
Nine cries of "No!No!", eight dooks of mischief,
Seven socks a-stolen, six fruitless scoldings
Five piles of...love.
Four escape attempts, three stashed treats, two stolen gloves
And a knocked-over, dug-up pear tree!
[Posted in FML issue 3637]