Condolences to those with lost, sick, or angeled bug crunchers...
(Hey! A big bug...CRUNCH...ICK! Patooey! YuckYuckYuck! Why didn't
someone warn me??? 'What...like you'd *listen* to anyone???')
Flying Ferrets:
Actually, this isn't advised. Ferrets can fly, but only up as high as
the "breakables" level of the bookshelf. After that, it gets kind of
'hairy'. Wait...did I just say that?
Stenciling ferrets:
Again, not advised. They just won't stand still long enough to get
properly stenciled. Then you have a batch of half-stenciled ferrets
running around, looking totally silly.
Santa Claws gathering:
Sorry, but the semantic police have cancelled your permit after careful
scrutinization turned up the fact that ferrets have no claws. They have
nails. You can reapply for a permit for your gathering under the proper
definition, but only after we've delayed, dallied and procrastinated so
long that the proper dates are missed. Of course, we *can* be bribed to
hurry things along just a bit! :)
Why Kat was arrested:
To dispel the rumors that have been flying around, I want to give you
all the correct facts. Kat was arrested because she was found
Kat-A-Tonic...that is, she created a tonic from Ferretone, FerretVite,
assorted treats and a dollop of duck soup. The resulting concoction was
just a bit too "heady" and she...uh...well, let's just say that she was
taken into custody for our own protection (not hers!). She will be
released as soon as the "tonic" wears off...or until her husband pays
the ransom! :)
RE: The Fuzzbutt Rodeo Clowns:
We've been paid not to mention them, so we won't...yet.
Secret FLO message:
An infiltration mission must be undertaken to get some educational
materials out to certain ferts who are controlling certain humans, so
they know what this "shelter" thing is like. Come on kids, get the word
out! Yer slippin' in yer trainin' duties!
Jessica and the "Great Cookie Caper!":
A very sweet lady baked me some chocolate chip cookies as a "thank you"
for favors done for her during the year. I got to eat half of them.
Jessica discovered the box where I had stored the remainder, knocked it
on the floor, then proceeded to play hockey with them. I was mortified!
No one ever baked cookies for me before! :( I made her wait almost 5
extra minutes before she got her snack that night!!!
QUESTION: What's the "cookie on the floor" rule? I need to know if these
cookies have had it, or is there still hope? :) I can vacuum the furry
fur off...can't I? Remember, I'm a guy, ladies. This question should
NOT surprise you!
Stolen Footwear:
Add-A-Kiss stole my shoe earlier. She managed to flip it over onto her
head (don't ask, I don't know how she did that, either), then, after a
great deal of balancing (and permits and licenses and such), she finally
began moving across the living room with her prize. A sneaker, inverted,
with a tail, makes its way along the carpet. Where's a video camera when
you *need* one? I think the smell finally got to her and she must have
fainted for a few moments. I was able to rescue the shoe. Sneaker and
fert are doing fine. The cat is another story.
The CAT:
Puffy, the cat, has learned to make use of the ferrets. If he wants his
back scratched, he'll agitate a fert into chasing him, then he'll sit
down with his back to them. The fert runs up and jumps halfway up his
back. He then stands slowly, so the fert slides (sort of) down his back,
nails out, giving him an excellent scratch. He repeats as necessary.
Dumb cat? I don't think so.
Are Ferts Like Kids?
Hershey got the fridge open and stole a carrot. After several minutes
of gnawing on it, he put it back. Apparently, he has found out why most
minors don't like them, either. Carrot was released back into the wild,
where it joined other veggies in safety.
Dooks--natural sounds, or internal mechanical device?
Fuzzer, Hershey, Rhun, Chewy, Bump, Jessica and Ghost now all dook with
almost every movement. This leads me to believe that there may have been
small mechanical devices installed inside them while I was at work one
day. They all started this noisy little habit almost simultaneously.
Anyone have a dook scanner I can borrow? I promise to return it...if
the ferts don't find it first.
Soup tester:
I make good soup. At least, Chewy thinks so. I had a bowl of it sitting
on the coffee table as I adjusted a blanket on the couch so I could sit
and watch TV, while eating, in comfort. Total time to adjust said
blanket was about 15 seconds. I turned around to find the front half of
Chewy in my bowl of soup, happily licking away at the broth. Apparently,
he just stepped in and started his tongue motor. He wasn't so happy
about his bath, afterwards. At least I can be happy that he didn't tip
the whole bowl over and splash it all over everything! There's always a
silver lining, if you look hard enough! :)
Barking:
Hershey has taken up barking. He's barked before, such as a few times
when I've caught him doing something he *knew* was bad, but he didn't
hear me coming. Now, I've heard him practicing. He sneaks off into the
kitchen and hides behinds a box there, then practices barking. What on
*earth* does he think he's going to need *that* skill for??? You think
maybe he's learning how to become a 'channeler' or something? :) I
wonder if I'll catch Rhun practicing how to 'meow' next...
Scanner skills?
Lately, at least one fert has successfully hidden away at bed time,
avoiding the usual round up (get it...rounding up the rodeo clowns? :))
at the end of playtime. I have barriers up to prevent them from going
into the bedrooms. Once everyone has been collected, I take them down,
to facilitate my own roaming through the house.
Somehow, the renegade fert seems to be able to "hear" when I remove these
barriers. I go in my room, turn on the police scanner and settle down to
read before going to sleep. Within minutes, the sneaky little mustalid
finds their way into my room and goes straight for the scanner, nipping
it and jumping on it with their front feet. What's up with this? I know
it's a sneaky trick on my part, drawing them out of hiding so I can put
them to bed. But why are they so upset with my scanner (it sits on the
floor)?
Ok, nuff said here. Back to your serious stuff, you folxes!
Todd and the Fuzzbutt Rodeo Clowns!
---
mailto:[log in to unmask]
http://www.netconex.com/toddl/page2/
[Posted in FML issue 3991]
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