Prepare subspace probe coordinates 508.01701  Load key kburk.wbst214.
Encryption on.
 
Starferret Command and Fer Federation - Agent from Commonworlds of Massachu
Sans reporting.  Thought all was well with potential treaty to comply with
Federation policies.  Raid on planet Turnah Falz showed High Council still
willing to forcibly exile.  Cloaking did not fail, it was not in use.
Official claim was Ferret of Borg had infiltrated illegally and attempted
sock assimilation.  Borg remain far from borders.  Treaty negotiation also
at standstill.
 
Treaty terms still harsh.  We must depend on Ferretengi imports.  No local
merchant ships permitted.  All must submit to ritual torture of the Vaxsin
Needle of Galaxy D.  This dreaded terror device is sanctioned in many places
and will be used here now.  Council propaganda is that this small pain
protects from greater pain, we do not know.  Scattered reports are that not
all survive.  Please advise.  IMRAB offerings will not stop beheadings as in
neighboring Confederation.
 
Ancient cult of ENUFF resurfacing.  High priests pickle apricots and chant
uberfrettechen.  This term is from a lost tongue and no longer has meaning,
if it ever did.   Cult once dabbled in genetic engineering and has suffered
mental defects in its ranks from inbreeding.   Easily recognized by strange
gait.  Only dangerous to themselves.
 
Outbreaks of plague reported, previously unknown.   Federation has vast
experience - need medical supplies and technicians.   Warp routes not
monitored as by Kahliv Ornery Empire.  Scans are only to enforce warp 5.5
limits.  We do not want to quarantine major sectors.
 
Recently there has been great interest in mind meld techniques.  Some
citizens can communicate directly with many species.   Math and temporal
skills are more common than once thought.   We are willing to share this
emerging capability.
 
There is no recent word from the Mason system.  The Slinky-Pogo War seemed
to be nearing an impasse when signals ceased.   Responsibilities for
monitoring in the Atlantic Nebula may have called.  This was a case study of
how new species meet and can enrich our understanding.
 
We note with great pride that Lts. Norm and Ankl Bt'r continue to serve
well.  They were once agents of entropy with the CHAOS union and capable of
highly disruptive acts.  The Federation is most benevolent for recognizing
their rehab.   You are populated with special people, will notify HSUS
Oligarchy of this.
 
As in agreed protocol, I with use a seal to authenticate this message.
Launching probe for intercept at FML1251.   Linatone long and sleek fur!
 
   ( )--(a)
   (@=@=) \     Ruh Dy the Fer Sympathizer
   O__)  \ \___
      \   \     (No relation to Rue Paul despite being a drag)
      /\ * )  \
[Posted in FML issue 1251]