Oh dear, our secret is out!  As if it wasn't bad enough that the Evil
Hoomans in the CaCa Land Empire found out about us running rampant
throughout the land, wreaking havoc on native wildlife and attacking
babies!  Now they know about the chickens too!  Aaaaiieeee!  We're doomed!
 
Well, I'm here to tell you that all that chicken-stalking talk is just a
bunch of poppycock!  To tell you the truth, those dad-gum Chickens scare the
fur off us, and any Ferret brave enough to stalk one sure has MY respect!
Just think of that, a REAL, LIVE Conan the Ferretarian!  I sure would like
to shake his paw!
 
Oh yeah, we were REAL interested in them when they were little.  They were
so cute & fuzzy!  One day Princess Puka told us she wanted one for her
treasure chest, which she keeps under the couch - full of stuffed animals,
socks, and dried out raisins, of course.  Being brave & loyal Fur-Knights,
Ginger and me promised to try to get her one.  The first time we tried to
stalk 'em The Mom thwarted our plan with her water pistol, but we never
gave up, and Ginger & me made a pact that we'd get one some day.
 
Unfortunately, The Mom wouldn't let us into their room anymore for a long
time, and when we finally got in there, there were NO MORE CHICKENS!  But
She saw us looking & took us Outside where we found a pretty little yellow
house and coming from it was the most enticing Chicken smell!  Me & Ginger
war-danced & raced out there, dooking it up, & hell-bent on leather to get a
Chicken for Princess Puka.  Boy, were we pumped!  At last, our chance to
prove ourselves the loyal & brave Fur-knights we know we are. . .
 
Only to discover that the ONE BAD THING about Chickens is that THEY MORPH!!!
Yes, they really do!  Just like those Gremlin things in that movie!  We were
suddenly confronted by HUGE, HORRIBLE, TERRIFYING, YELLOW-EYED MONSTERS with
SHARP BEAKS and EVIL TALONS!  And that NOISE they made - BAAAWWKING and
SQUAWKING and URCA-ROO-KAROO-ING - was absolutely DEAFENING!  Then one of
Them turned his evil yellow eyes on us in a piercing glare and let out an
AWFUL sound!  "BUCK-KAAWK!" I swear, he froze us with that look!  We were
turned to stone - well, almost!
 
When we recovered our senses, we did what any Ferret in his right mind would
do - puffed up, turned tail & RAN FOR THE HOUSE!  I haven't been that scared
since I tried to play with Lady-the-Dog's tail & she turned around &
WOOOFFED me!  Heck, bravery's one thing, but self preservation has GOT to
take first priority!  Later on I found out that those Chickens even give
the Cats pause - even Tigger, and he's a big ol' boy who weighs almost 10
pounds!  Those Chickens are evil, I tell you!  I've seen it with my own
eyes!
 
Well, all I can say is that anyone who would write a book about a
chicken-stalking Ferret either has a Ferret on steroids, or must be a
pretty good fiction writer! (Although I wouldn't be surprised to see
one of those horrible things stalking ME!  I STILL have nightmares!)
 
Dooks,
 
Gurgey-the-(Former)-Chicken-Stalker
[Posted in FML issue 2322]