Hi dere, dis' is you-know-who's, and we gots a request from dat nice man
Bill Gwuber yesterday: "There are other important things to talk about
too... you know wedding plans and such...."
 
So it's on wit' da show!!!  We gots new mail too:
 
****************(1.)*****************
"Du brydes mades hear!
Sawwe we behind us in are wamblins.  Buzyin tying on tacky coword dwesses
(Youz brydes relly needz too get's in youz I's check by a optomrist!)
 
Deerest gullfiends (sincere know it all look), wez tooly beweese in long
engaugmints, but beezen fewwets as we isz, wez muss yurry up dis hear
weoding.  Owls Mom sazs wez beezzin awound for bout 10 moar years, ifin wez
looky.  Gets a mooving on dose boyz!  Has youz eyzbull du ringlets or
per-poop agreemint yet?
 
Fuzzie bonding from Chipper & Gina."
 
***************(2.)**********************
"Hi friends:
This is Bandit Streit.  Mandy and Amber have written to you and I want to
get in on the fun.  I'm a good boy and I love everybody.  When Amber bites
me, I feel very sad.  I hide and won't eat much because it depresses me so.
My mom gives me extra hugs and kisses, and tells me I'm her favorite.  Then
I feel better.  Mom says I should bite back, but that wouldn't be nice.  I'm
a sweet guy who wouldn't hurt anyone.  At the wedding reception, you should
have fun things to do.  My humans gave us ferrets a big pot of dirt to dig
in.  (Don't the humans understand it's more fun to dig when there is a plant
in the pot?) Will the reception hall have lots of plants to dig in?  I sure
hope so!  Amber was a bad girl.  A few Sundays ago, mom was sitting on the
sofa in her Pinky and the Brain nightshirt, drinking coffee and watching TV.
Amber decided to see just what it is the gynecologist inspects.  She was
almost at her goal before momma could react.  Coffee got spilt on the sofa
and mom.  And Amber just laughed.  I think Amber is crazy and should be
locked-up.  She and the coons will make trouble at the wedding!
 
My favorite toy is a rope-type thing with a jingle-bell.  For my birthday
Feb 11, (I'm 1 year old now) we were in a pet store and mom let me choose my
own jingle-bell toy!  If you need a bell-ringer for the ceremony, I'm your
ferret.  However, I'll probably steal the bells.  I have glaucoma.  Daddy
got me a prescription at a human pharmacy.  They think I'm named Bob.  Twice
a day I get eye drops.  Usually I get a treat too, so it isn't so bad.
 
I hate getting a bath.  Do we have to bathe before the wedding, or can we
come as we are?  I am neutered and never smell bad, unless I poof my scent
glands when Amber bites me.
 
Mandy is my best friend.  Big Bear is also my friend.  When the humans are
at home, we get out of our cages, although Mandy and I sometimes get locked
into the bedroom when Amber is loose.  Mom said something about her needing
exercise.  I think Amber has mind-control over the humans.
 
It has gotton hot here.  The house has magic cooling, but I still like to go
downstairs where it's cooler.  We never used to be able to go down there,
but Big Bear outsmarted the humans.  He is so big, he can reach were we
can't, and climb where no ferret has ever gone before.  So the FLO has
claimed new territory.
 
Bye Bye"
***********************************
 
Whew!  Now dats' a whole bunch of mail, I tink dat we gotta play and wrestle
in da big pile first before we writes back...
(37 minutes later....)
Okay, we's done playin', and now we's gonna replied to da' stuff:
 
1.  Tater & Odie haven't said no'ting 'bout wings yet (fingers cwossed) and
we don't knows what a 'per-poop agreemint' is, but it sounds fun!  We hopes
dat yoour tacky coword dwesses fits weally pwetty like!  We still needs to
get our dwesses made or sometin'...
 
2.  Bandit, you says "My humans gave us ferrets a big pot of dirt to dig
in." Well, dat sounds like so dern much funnies dat I tink we gots to twy
dat soon!  Da is gettin' on our suitcases about diggin' in da carpet 'cause
he's worried 'bout some deposition or someting...Amber and dose dern coons
can sure play at the weddin' you know dat dose coons is a blues band in dere
daytime jobs...dey play at dose night cwub tingies wit dark sunglasses and
gaters and dwums, and harmonycaws and stufffs...Da says dey is real cool or
someting when he heres dem late at nights like tree in da mornin' playin'
"I'm a soul-man" or sometin' in dat back-yard.  You can be surein' to wing
dose bells-tings at dat wedding' too...boy Da says dat dis' here wedding is
turnin' into a Gwatefully Dead concert nor someting... Anyways, we hopes dat
your glawcoma gets betters soon...personally Bandit, we loves our baths wit'
our Da, it's lots of fun, but no fewwets or humans, nor coons haves to take
baths for weeks 'fore da weddin' if dey don't want too...Ma always says dat
we "stink so good" or sometin'...
**************************
 
So's we gots to gets goin', we's gots important stuffs to 'complish today
and we haven't nibbled on Ma and Da's toes yet dis' here mornin', so
we will say bye-bye to all you nice peoples...
 
Love,
 
Rosie and Maxie
 
 ^  ^   ^  ^
(oo)  (oo)
=v=  =v=
[Posted in FML issue 1622]