I think speaking Bobonics to the computer geeks has worked.  I was actually
able to access my e-mail from home the LAST TWO DAYS!!  And stuff STOPPED
BOUNCING!!  I think I just wet myself.
 
Just a teenie weanie clarification on the bacula.  Meg is right that whole
males seem to get caught more than neutered males, but the reason is, well,
because they can get kind of excited compared to the asexual guys, and
things are just a bit more prominent, especially during the rutting season.
Anyway, that's the angle.  However, the bacula is NOT removed during
neutering (as a private e-mail asked).  In fact, it is easily felt by
placing your thumb or finger over the area between the No. 1 spot and the
No. 2 spot, and slightly pressing down.  The bacula feels like a hard little
stick just under the skin.  The ferrets don't seem to mind.
 
Q: My ferret seems to sleep all day long and is rather fat. Is anything
   wrong with her?
 
A: She's upset because you won't give her the remote control and an ice-cold
   brew.
 
To begin with, most ferrets sleep most the day; as do cats, and to a lesser
extent, dogs.  The reason is they are carnivores, and sleep conserves
energy.  It's a genetic predisposition and something you will have to get
used to.  It can't be changed, and if your ferret is awake more than six
hours or so during the day, it is either very young and excitable, or
something is wrong.
 
Secondly, most mammals that evolved in the more temporate regions annually
put on the belly roll.  So during the late fall and winter months, ferrets
will tend to get pudgy, some more than others.  This is a general mammalian
trait, and is to be expected.  Usually, the pudge goes away in spring-
summer, except in my case, where it tends to go away all year round.
 
However, ferrets are extremely intelligent, although their bad poopie habits
disguise the fact.  Intelligent animals require greater than normal mental
stimulation to remain healthy.  Sadly, and this is not flaming people who
put ferrets in cages--sometimes its the only thing that can be done-- most
ferrets spend the majority of their time behind bars or in otherwise sterile
environments.  Some (not all) of these ferrets will chew nonfood items out
of boredom, or eat extra food.  Most simply increase their sleep periods,
becoming less active, and start to put on the paunch.  (OK, I know there are
lots of other behaviors caused by boredom; this isn't an all-inclusive list)
 
I think pudge is best removed with a two-pronged fork, eh, I mean attack.
Challenge the physical, and stimulate the mental.  In other words, give them
something to think about, which makes them more active, and since they are
more active, make the active part physically difficult.
 
For otherwise healthy , yet overweight, ferrets, I would recommend a pile or
raisins at the top of a treadmill.  Just crank it up to 10% and run it at 15
mph.  That should work.  No?  Ok, maybe that is a little drastic (worked for
me, but instead of the raisins, I had a cold beer and milkduds).  Actually,
increased activity and a more stimulating environment should do the trick
for most of the fat ferts.  How do you do that?  Well, you don't need money,
you don't need lots of toys.  What you do need is time.
 
Perhaps outside of reporters and small monkeys, ferrets are about one of the
most curious animals I have ever met (curiosity is a trait of both the
primates and the mustelids).  But you know that.  So take advantage of it by
placing things, preferably with strong and unknown smells, just in reach.
For example; I block off the stairs, place something smelly and interesting
at the top, them dump the 18 at the base.  Not only is it halarious to watch
them race up the stairs, but they have been physically challenged and
mentally stimulated.
 
Another thing I do is to hide a treat in a small paper bag or box, which is
then placed inside a large box.  They have to figure out how to get into the
big box, then search for the treat.
 
One of the funniest things I do is build a ramp out of smoothed masonite (at
about a 25 degree angle), and then put something irresistable at the top.
This works best after nail-clipping.  They spend a lot of effort to get to
the top, so make it worth their while.  If the slope is too steep, lower it
for them until they get in shape.
 
Finally, I just take them outside.  They love it!  Its stimulating,
physically challenging, and very cool.  I take mine to a local state park
and let them swim in the stream, dig in the dirt, and even sleep in the sun.
I do NOT let them explore gopher holes.
 
Now, if you really want to see something funny, just imagine a graying
middle-aged teenager, sporting a ponytail, wearing dark shades and bright
shorts, being dragged by 18 ferrets, all in harnesses, and all seemingly on
speed.  And nothing stops them.  I once watched five or six climb THROUGH a
patch of prickly pear.  Another time, they just HAD to find out what was
under the cow paddie.  (Not Cow Patty; that's another story...) Don't sweat
the mud (or other); just let them be ferrets and wash them down later.
 
One of the coolest examples of this type of physical and mental stimulation
I've ever seen was by some friends in Portland who would gently take their
extremely ill fert out to play by the fake stream and pool in their
backyard.  I was moved by their dedication and love, and by the response the
ferret gave in kind.  A friend in Kansas built a ferret-proof outdoor
enclosure, then cut a hole in the door so the ferts can go outside whenever
they wanted.
 
I firmly believe this type of treatment not only helps ferrets to watch
their weight, but also increases the quality of their lives and can even
prolong their lives.  No direct evidence, just opinion.
 
Mo' Bob and the 18 Mo' Wrestlin' Weasels
[Posted in FML issue 1850]